Here, consolidated into one blog page are seven of the most probing Star Wars meditations ever put on YouTube. You haven't been primed on The Force, until you've seen Mortimer Weasel's new show, "Jedi Jabberwocky"! Seven webisodes dropped at once ~ which Quentin Tarantino refers to as the "Audacious 7". Why?
Because LosTiteres.TV reporter, Mortimer Weasel drops more inside scoop and talks more smack about the Star Wars Universe than Kathy Griffin at a gay pride concert. Incredulous, you will be, when you walk away from these seven works of genius speaking in perfect Yoda grammar.
Your body will be weak from attempting to dance when you try to match the new technique Mortimer introduces in his Jedi Training Camp! Alien, please ~ if you're foaming at the mouth like an Ewok in heat for such dishy information that the National Enquirer would blush to print, then you have to absorb all of the outing, smearing and outright slander in Mortimer's revealing segment: Star Wars Clickbait!
Go ahead and walk through the wonderousness of pro-sumer special effects, into the magical world of Star Wars, as satirized by a sneaky little weasel, who harbors secret allegiances to Star Trek.
Most people want powers of mental persuasion. Could you imagine if you could make people just Shut ... Up!? ... Or maybe make someone give you a ride to the airport, or pay for your meal at a restaurant? Well, these ideas are nonsense compared to the brilliance of Mortimer's attempt, which is to lower his monthly mental phone bills.
It doesn't matter if you're big or small, we all play with toys. They can range from full on cars, to dolls or monster trucks. But what do all Star Wars geeks love? You know it: Action Figures. It's the subversive name advertising agencies gave to dolls for boys, so they wouldn't feel bad about playing with them. Mortimer has a ton of figures and he intends on hoarding more. Plus, would you believe he's having a hard time deciding which side of the Force to use?
Jedi Jabberwocky ~ Light vs. Dark Side, Star Wars Clickbait & Action Figures
Sometimes you have to look at inventions in perspective. At one point airplanes were new, and people would dress up to fly in them like they were at a fancy event. These days, everyone will ride a spaceship in ripped up jeans or a regular white shirt and leather vest.
Dressing up has just gone to the dogs. Things change. So, whether you want to believe it or not, one day, even your favorite websites will be things of the past. Here, Mortimer examined what people will think of Twitter in the future.
Jedi Jabberwocky ~ Twitter Folklore, Jedis: They’re Just Like Us &
Star Wars Spaceships Mechanics 101
You know that if you had a book of Yoda's notes in your hand, you would devour it. Mortimer, did not find that book, but he did find scrawled pieces of paper in Yoda's trash that are quite clever. While digging in the trash, the thought occurred to Mortimer that how Jedi's smell is important when he came across a box of Yoda's favorite scent: Justin Bieber's fragrance for men, The Key.
It actually comes with a small key, which Yoda then re-purposed by enchanting it with some magic that only allows him to open the outhouse that he has behind his hovel in the bog. It's tough livin'. No running water.
He eats weird crap he finds swimming in the bog -- lifts it right outta the water using The Force, and plops it into a boiling stew he lights by a fire right next to the bog. How he eats those creatures, Mortimer will never know, but all the while, Yoda smells like Justin Bieber.
Jedi Jabberwocky ~ Jedi Colognes, Star Wars Clickbait & The Secret Notes of Yoda
Are you hungry? Mortimer always is. But when can you find a decent Jedi Whole Foods around? Rarely. Let's face it, the only way you're going to figure out what to eat is to check out the Jedi Foods segment in the following webisode. It's not that the food is so healthy, as much as it looks really colorful and eye-catchy, and that's what draws Mortimer to it.
Speaking of drawn to something. He's been drawn to The Force enough to want to create this series, but what has escaped him is the telekinesis aspect of The Force. Everyone wonders if he can move a spaceship with his hand extended forward and the power of his wee little mind.
The short answer is no... Unless the spaceship is made by Mattel. What he can move around quite dexterously is his wagging tongue when he talks about celebrity Jedis in his segment, Star Wars Clickbait, which is not to be missed!
Jedi Jabberwocky ~ Using the Force, Star Wars Clickbait & Jedi Foods
Jump! Shout! Kick! Turn around! Robot! Snake! Whip out your lightsaber! ... These are all the things Mortimer will yell at you at the top of his two inch little lungs when you sign up for Jedi Training Camp with him this summer!
You'll be roughing it on Yoda's home planet, which we regret to inform Millennials, has no Wifi. There will be bathrooms located by the nearest tree. Basically, you'll be peeing on the tree. It's good for the environment, just don't get your hoo-ha or dingeling snapped off by the local snapping turtle wildlife.
It's the only alien animal on this alien planet, because Yoda brought a couple from his vacation in Miami, and they went buck-wild. Now, the planet is teeming with them, which Yoda likes, cause he also boils them and makes them into soup. Another one of the strange things he'll eat.
Talking about strange, Mortimer will be breaking down the Top 5 strangest creatures in the Star Wars universe, and you might think it would be one of Jabba's minions or something found in a Wookie's fur? But no, the oddest creatures are much closer to home, so check under your bed ~ whatever you find there could be our next candidate.
Jedi Jabberwocky ~ Top 5 Strangest Star Wars Creatures, Jedi Training Camp
When talking about fashion, most people envision a fancy runway in Paris or Milan. What we're talking about here is Jedi Fashion. Who invented it? What makes Ewoks dress like Tarzan? What if part of their culture was to shave?
They could be wearing full on business suits! Who told Darth Vader that black would be good?
What about mauve, or purple, long considered the colors of royalty in Africa...
Mortimer will disclose all of the latest fashion trends, and who just needs to stop and sit down. Because some of these alien outfits just need to stop. Some need to evolve further. Mortimer's been tugged back and forth between the light side and the dark side of The Force for this very reason.
He really likes the capes and the drama of the dark side more. Conversely, he can't bear to wear a mask like Darth, or have hie face turn into an evil scowl. So, the light side keeps you prettier, but their outfits are lame and the white is fattening.
He wore one of those white outfits, and his ass was so big, you could project all the star wars movies at once, and they would even cover up all the white space. Fashion in space is a 'thing', and nowhere is it most revealed than in the rival of all the Star Wars lore: Star Trek.
In the Star Trek world, if you wear a red uniform, chances are you are you're going to die before the two suns set on whatever spaceship or planet you are. So, if you are wearing red, take it off. Put on a yellow outfit, blue -- anything but red! So folks want to compare the two Stars and ask, which is better. In the Star Wars vs. Star Trek webisode, it is all unpacked.
Jedi Jabberwocky ~ Fashion Do’s & Don’ts, Secret Vault of Jabba the Hutt,
Star Wars vs. Star Trek
Thank you so much for taking this wild ride with me into space. I hope that more webisodes will come soon, because let's face it, movies and stories from the Star Wars world are going to keep coming at us at light speed.
So Long,
Jedi & DJ,
Mortimer Weasel
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