Tu sabes -- you know -- usually I would arrive at my blog or start the show with plenty of cheer and excitement, something like; WELCOME TO LOS TITERES! Pero this time, I'm sad to say things are going bananas over here! Well, as many of you know, I interview the guests that are on the different webisode segments. As a matter of fact, here is a picture/link to the first part of the interview, which started me on the spiral towards trouble! Click on the picture below, and then watch Part 2 on the LosTiteres.TV site! You'll see:
It turns out that when I asked Enrique, Conchita's life coach about her, the information that he revealed about her struggling marriage -- well, it pissed her off. So, she CAME AT ME, my friends, with claws so large I could see them through those yellow satin gloves she has on all the time. There's no pissed off woman, like a crazy Latina bitch! She SLAPPED me, and yelled at me in Spanish spoken so fast, that I was hard-pressed to understand it. And it's my first language.
Oh, but that's not all -- apparently Mary Juana is gearing up to post the first episode of her new show where she talks all about being a cannabis plant. It's called "Mary Juana wit' da 420", because she wants to sounds urban, we all know she's really a Jew, raised and home grown by some Guatemalan in the Everglades. Whatever. Apparently, 420 is "cop code" for cannabis. Pot. Weed. Maui-Wowie. Reefer. You get the picture.
So she came to me ALL RILED UP, talking about the fact that she wants to enter her webisode in a contest on this one place on the web called Revver.com! They’re having some “green contest” next month. You enter a webisode about something “green”. She feels she’s a shoo-in, I don’t know why…
I do know that she must have been on some speed or cocaine or something because she was totally acting normal. Usually, her eyes are bloodshot, and she's kind of down. But today she was perky as a nipple on the chest of a male adolescent Cuban getting told he gets a night alone to do what he will with half-Cuban Cameron Diaz. Perky.
So I said, "Mi amorrrrr, don't you worry about that. We are posting our webisodes on Revver.com anyway! So go off and create that thing you call a show, and bring it back to me, okay? ... Um, can I -- can I eat a chunk of your hair? I'm really stressed out right now. Yeah, no not the green part, the little red hairs? Great. Yeah."
An hour later I was really relaxed. So I took to wandering around, following these strange colored balls I was seeing in front of me, and happened upon the NEWS & WEATHER GUYS, you know, Ponch and Jimmy. And I took my camera, and kind of shot some stuff they were talking about. Something weird is going on with those two. It's like they're gay, but they both have wives. About the only thing they don't do is have sex together!
So, after this, I went and wrote an apology letter to Conchita: "My dearest, quieridisima, Conchita... I'm sorry I had you arrested when you slapped me. I promise I will drop all charges on the condition that you return to the show. We miss you very much! I hope you do not get molested while you're there or become anyone's bitch... Well, knowing you, you probably have a harem of your own bitches by now. Mucho Amor, Señor Loro."
I think she'll be back...
Well, I do feel better, mis amigos... Wanna feel better about your own pathetic lives? ... Well you don't live in South Beach like me, do you? Then get a taste of fabulousness by clicking around our site, and check out my brand new interviews. They got me in trouble, but it was well worth it.
BAAAAAAAKKK!
Sorry, I'm a bird, I do that sometimes.
Señor Loro
Producer/Host
LosTiteres.tv
