Señor Loro for PRESIDENT ~ An Historic Latino Puppet Candidate

Señor Loro's Presidential Platform

Dear Voters, this is the random stuff I stand for.

I don't believe in American Exceptionalism. If you speak three languages you’re trilingual. Two, bilingual. One: American....

You're in America now, I mean really -- learn how to speak Spanish.

This is the land of hopes, dreams, and the 5 Dollar Footlong @ Subway!

Don’t get me started on Congressional Corruption: Our only real renewable resource.

The public is very fickle, that’s what I said to my cab driver, George Bush, the other day.

I’m not saying the Republicans are heartless, but Ronald Reagan was once quoted to have said: “Money can’t buy happiness, but it will certainly get you a better class of memories.” WINK WINK... I would wink twice if I could, but my eyes are made of ping-pong balls.

I am getting rid of the police department, because in my America, they will not be necessary. If you want to combat crime, don’t vote for criminals... VOTE for Señor Loro, Latino Puppet Candidate.

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can’t make him compromise. I’m willing to compromise on anything.

The liberals this year are so Liberal, they want everyone with rights -- don’t wanna kill anyone -- I think I heard Kerry say he wanted to rehabilitate the germs that cause bad breath.

I wanna do one of those speech things where I repeat a phrase: I’m a Puppet and I admit it! … But I was torn between that and: “Vote for Me, You Could do Worse -- and Always Have!"

Frankly, my biggest concern about this year’s election is that someone will win.

People think being a puppet is easy, but I’ve had my share of tough times, just like the Romney’s have...

I was born from swaths of material made in China, some felt from Nicaragua, a pingpong ball from Korea. Mentally conceived in the womb and designed by some Cuban-American dude, sewn together by a Jewish, Israeli dude in New York. Then, stuffed into a box inside of a plastic bag, mailed to Hollywood, roughly the same thing happens to Joan Rivers.

I know what it is to be an immigrant coming to L.A. looking for work, or at least pieces of me do. And that’s why you relate to me... Everyone Relates to me...

If I become president, the only wars there will be -- will be Tweetter Wars... We’ll just talk shit about other countries.

Replace Medicare w/ a voucher - we’re gonna make them look like old E-Ticket Ride tickets at Disneyland.

Bigger tax breaks for billionaires - yes. Billionaires are people who got that way because they can never have enough money. I say give ‘em tax breaks, so they can buy more homes, and yachts. We know money doesn’t make anyone happy.

Most importantly, I will ship our jobs to China. Who wants to work? Nobody... Easy solution. Everyone can just chillax outside, get some rays and catch up on 50 Shades of Grey.

I’m going to make sure everyone in America has a Swiss bank account, even if they just have a dollar in it.

My ideas may sound crazy to you, but to Ron Paul, they sound normal. I should be running against him.

Are you better off than what you were 4 years ago? I’d say yes -- because you now have me as a candidate.

Stimulus? … I won’t spend one more cent on trying to make more money.

Even Chris Matthews got swept up in the Señor Loro craze at the Puppet National Convention!

Call me the food stamp president if you like, but I’m going to make all U.S. currency look like food stamps in the next printing, and it will be overseen by Crayola.

I will provide healthcare for EVERYONE with their own private personal physician, WebMD. In my United States, you’ll be able to order prescription drugs online and self-medicate. Because the best doctor I know is Me.

Sure we got Osama Bin Laden, but those people are like whack a moles, they just keep popping up. Obama has more drones than Darth Vader had Imperial stormtroopers.

Saving the auto industry was a mistake. I’ve seen the Jetsons, and we are way Behind Schedule.

School classrooms seem to be getting bigger and bigger. That’s why I say we get rid of schools altogether and make everyone homeschool with iPads. You can keep going up grade levels as long as you can afford the next Apple upgrade.

A new poll showed that if the election were to be held today -- people would be very confused because they’re always held in November.

Higher education will be unnecessary in my world, as my presidency will be simply to prepare us for our eventual take over by China.

You can find our campaign on Tweeter, CaraLibro, TuTubo, and Mi Espacio (now that Justin Timberlake brought its sexy back)!

GRACIAS & GOD BLESS AMERICA!

 Señor Loro for PRESIDENT 2012!