Señor Loro Holiday Special (Part 4)

There's nothing like an irate parrot and a nutty pianist during the holiday season -- and that is what we get when we mix my temper with Enrique's sarcastic wit. We might make up, as this is the holiday season, but we won't find out until Part 5!

Señor Loro Holiday Special (Part 3)

There's something heartwarming about nesting in a Christmas tree. The familiar notes of Christmas tunes can warm us up... But in this interview I'm all all about immigrant issues. Revealing my past with Fidel Castro, I tell all about my defection to the United States -- and the fact that my plumes go great with the nuanced art deco of South Beach is only a plus.

Señor Loro's Holiday Special (Part 2)

You won't believe to what extremes this red bird will go to in order to get Hollywood to pay attention! Yes, I'm back and I'm self-congratulating light years ahead of Hollywood Awards season!

Señor Loro's Holiday Special (Part 1)

Dear Holiday Hooligans...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Once again it is, I, the wacky bird with a fowl mouth and outraged temper. I'm here to calm my tail feathers down for once, and deliver a show that everyone will love. You remember specials like this one here from the times when you used to watch on TV growing up.

Remember when we'd get those classic moments of a famous host on TV, back "in the day", he (Kermit) or she (Carol Burnett) would sit by the fireplace with a guest star hugging a piano and play Christmas songs and trade rememberances about the past year? Well that is what this show is about ... And it all goes so fast, I tell you.

This year I'm in an elated mood, thanks to the success of this outrageous webisode series I created. I feel fluffed up enough, and centered on the stick in my birdcage enough to wish everyone a Merry Christmas -- and also to share a little of the holiday fun we've been having here at LosTiteres.TV!

For the past month, although not posting shows, we've been hard at work, with our beaks to the grindstone, cranking them out. You can expect a bunch of new sketches and segments with new and exciting characters, all scheduled to appear next year... which is only in a few days!

A taste of that savory goodness is here, with the gossipy celebrity goings on in Hollywood (and elsewhere) soon to be reported by our own social butterfly, Mario Mariposa. Mario is a terrific judge of celebrity character.

How's that, you ask? Simple: butterflies taste with their legs. And Mario has a penchant for landing on celebrity noses, and then running over to tells us what he's tasted. Many times it's not newsworthy, but sometimes it is. Yes, Britney tastes like train wreck, and Obama tastes like Oprah. But would you have guessed that Tom Cruise tastes like straight guy? Aston Kutcher like old lady, and Angelina Jolie like Nimibia? ... Maybe you would...

In this, his first webisode, Mario teams up with Conchita, and tries to land on her nose. Surprisingly, there's a big problem with that -- but I'll let you watch!... Next up Mario interviews a couple of Gay Maracas that frequently play with our band. Yes, much of the music you hear on LosTiteres.TV has their percussive stylings behind it...

Now be on the lookout, because my holiday special will be posed in this blog every day consecutively, every day for the next 5 days! Lots of activity around this crazy studio!

I hope you enjoy the music and the loving banter between myself, and someone who has become a mainstay and star of LosTiteres.TV, the multi-talented Enrique Teves.

Love and Happy Holiday Wishes,
Santa Loro
Host and Charlatan, LosTiteres.TV

The Conchita Show: It's All An Act!

Dear Amigos and confused internet readers who stumbled upon this laughable mess by mistake! It is I, once more, your favorite Loro -- here to introduce to you our next exciting webisode of LosTiteres.TV!

Conchita is a multitalented performer, as I'm sure you've seen. So far, she has appeared in her own woman's issues series, THE CONCHITA SHOW, as well as the saucy internet telenovela, EL AMOR DE CONCHITA Y RONALDO, and most recently a guest starring role making out with Eli on NAKED BOB... Conchita gets around.

Last week, Conchita barged into my office followed by a private band of about four musicians. She force-sang several songs to me before I could get a word in edge-wise. She tap-danced on my desk, she did triple pirrouettes on the carpet, and finally landed in a perfect cheerleader-like split in front of her startled musicians!... And then she let out a little fart, but I barely heard it.

Ultimately, she showed me that she's got the chops to be a singer, and the legs to do a split. So I asked her right then and there if she'd like to do a musical number on her CONCHITA SHOW?

She tilted her head and smiled at me, delighted that her plan had worked. Then she complimented me on how welll arranged my feathers look today, and I was delighted, and totally bought the ass-kissing.


Then, having gotten up, I mentioned I knew model/actor Vincent De Paul from the movies HAIRSPRAY and DREAMGIRLS, who might be interested in showing off his crooning on her show! Agog, Conchita's eyes flipped back in her head and she collapsed with a THUD!

So, it is a particular pleasure to present to you an episode that Conchita and I actually didn't fight about, but which, in fact, made her faint with delight!

In it, she sings a wonderful new song, entitled: "It's All An Act" ... We were hoping to get Stephen Sondheim to write the melody, but he flat out told us to MERRILY ROLL ALONG...

Vincent did want to perform in the show, and asked to work with Conchita by name, because he somehow finds her foamy skin attractive. After the shoot, Vincent confessed that he felt awkward about being referred to by Conchita as a "Doll Man" in the song, but that he'd suffer for his art.

To which I asked, "What art?"

Poor Vincent is under the false impression that there is some kind of artwork going on at LosTiteres.TV, when this is all just time-wasting schlock.

I fully acknowledge that this show is dreadfully insane -- and it is a slight use of the word to even call this show "entertainment". Okay, it's "webertainment", which I've just coined, and means it's useless and meaningless, but please watch it!

Gracias for clicking, and I hope you enjoy the song, the bitches and the Spanish fly. (*Watch and you'll see what I mean.)

Bueno, my friends, until next time, this is your favorite Cuban parrot saying:

"If Musica be the food of Amor, TOCA!!!"

Besitos en el Piquito
(Kisses on the Beak),
Mister Loro
Upscale Poultry, Musical Producer,
Host of LosTiteres.TV

Naked Bob, Fortuneteller

I met Naked Bob on a recent trip to the Bahamas where I saw him trying to sell coconuts to the natives. I just sat up in the palm tree and observed, laughing and shaking off my moulting feathers. Once those old ladies slapped him around and left, and he shook the sand from his eyes, I flew down to see if he was alright... And he was. Totally alright and average: You know, regular white guy trying to be a hippy in the 2000's, that sort of thing... Good luck.

He told me that he "knew my future", and "thanks for the concern". Immediately enthralled, I asked of him what was in store for this humble red parrot trying to create his own variety show on the web -- and he said he knew!

He knows, in fact, right now. But he won't say, otherwise it will mess up the space-time continuum -- but he assures me it's good! What he did reveal was that if I found him a nickel or a quarter, I would have better luck still!

I did him one better, I gave him his own show on my website! He was very excited about that. When he asked me how much it pays, I said, "About as much as you can fit into your pockets..."

Naked Bob laughed out loud so much that he coughed up a loogie. It was then that we truly bonded, when I flew up to his shoulder and sat there as he smoked himself a doobie on the beach, his balls hangin' out in plain view. I'm surprised they're never attacked by pelicans.

These days, my cameras follow him around as he meanders around the beaches, dispensing his visions of the future to wanderers by and seagulls who get visually caught up in the styling he's given his pubes.

I love Naked Bob. Because for all his nakedness, he's extremely vulnerable. So if you see him on the beach, be kind to him, maybe give him a dollar because you're human, and you can... BAAAAAKKKKK! ...

He once prophesied that LosTiteres.TV would become a show on network television! Now, that his segment has been added to the show, I believe he may be right... I can see that too -- so am I also psychic? .... Sí! ... Cubans are all psychic!

Naked Bob is a dude, who although calm and cool on the surface, is highly insecure. He's one of those lovable misfits that wanders beaches telling people their fortunes and showing his schlong. Witness the latest offering from LosTiteres.TV, and get your future read by a man who knows the naked truth. Guest Stars: Susan Artigas & Eli Eagle.

So, take a toke, get your cerveza or your Mojito ready, and strike up the bong -- lean back and enjoy the pubic stylings of:

Naked Bob.

Best to Y'Mama,
Señor Loro
Host/Traveling Parrot
LosTiteres.TV

Acting from an Hispanic P.O.V. with Ronaldo & Eli

Outrageous Oglers and Peeping Toms who watch this small comedic travesty that we call a webisode series -- once again you'll wonder today, how it's all done. I wonder myself, even though I produce this thing! The show's special guest today is Eli Eagle, who came to us as a young, eager, doe-eyed, virgin actor from Hollywood, and left us a "man".

South Beach -- the sex, the glamour -- will do that to ya.

Anyone who faces Ronaldo, gets "South Beach man" points... I don't know how they do it, Ronaldo can destroy people as much as he can lift them up! And they line up for BLOCKS to be on his show to seek out his lame advice!

I will not judge the advice he gives actors, but let's just say a certain parrot who has acting aspirations would be first caught dead, than do what this guy says... much less, let him grab my tail feathers, or get me drunk.

I'm moulting, so I'm particularly curmudgeonly today. BAAAAK!...

I'm excited though, because Eli did several sketches on the show, and joined a new actress in a new webisode series centered around a fella I met walking around South Beach. People call him: NAKED BOB! ...


He just stands around dispensing astrological advice to the beach, to people who pass by, and oftentimes to the palm trees. I have to admit that Susan, our other *Guest Star*, looked positively lovely in her bikini!

Eli not only looked chipper and recently hatched, he was a great interview guest. Although... he said a little more than he should have about his relationship offscreen with Susan!


And then, of course, Susan, who overheard, taped an interview segment with me, and that's when the drama starts flying! She had heard everything Eli said -- and what's worse -- everything I said!


I don't know what's going on with these Latina women! --First Conchita is batting frying pans at me, and now this one literally beats me up, smacks me! Just because I insinuated on the air that she was my "ho"...

How Eli ALSO got action from Conchita is beyond me. Probably the drinks he got her, after he learned Mojitos are her weakness from Ronaldo!


I mean, really.... It's a show! I have to drum up the Drama!

Eli's really helping out with his crazy comments and his sexual prowess! ... And I'm a male bird too, you know, and I believe I'm what is called in Miami a "Pimp-Player" (pronounced: Playyyyaaaahhh)... I have appearances to upkeep, yo.

From now on, Dear Reader, I will call you: Yo.

Until we actually start paying people to humiliate themselves on LosTiteres.TV, I have to admit that I've been baffled by how many young actors want to appear on the show! Some of them actually have careers! Most are completely Loony Tunes:

Behind closed doors, Susan pulled a GUN on me! Not only did she want to be in the show, she wants union wages! I told her to go f*ck herself, and she shot me in the wing! ... I hope she doesn't read this.

Diós Mio -- I may not be able to fly ever again.

But typing's fine.

Good luck watching this next batch! More Eli and Susan coming soon! Remember to subscribe to this blog, and you won't miss a moment, yo!

BAAAAAAK!

Saludos to all the South Beach Birds!
Señor Loro
Host & Producer (*Pimp)
LosTiteres.TV