My Dear Amigos, One Subscriber and Three Followers,
As you can imagine, I am happy to be back writing to you while vacationing in Martha's Vineyard... I decided to take a little time off to reassess, to figure out where it is exactly LosTiteres.TV is as a series.
It recently played on television, but of course, right when we're in the midst of the recession. Who is going to be maverick enough to invest in some clever and unusual puppets with a Latin slant...?
Conchita was depressed about it, and she went into counseling with her husband Ronaldo, whose business teaching acting hit the skids. People found out that he was teaching it from an Hispanic Point of View, and everyone figured out that the networks would be uninterested, as reflected by their casting this year.
Mario Mariposa called and told me that his lover of five years was being threatened to be deported, and that he was a mess without work. Same goes for Naked Bob, who called me while selling locks of his hair as macrame.
And Shmedley, you might ask? What happened to him? ... Our one sponsor?! ... Well, he's decided to open a couple of plants for puppets in China, and took away our funding. In essence, now he's paying us less for giving him the pleasure of appearing on our show.
Talking about branded entertainment, we found out that there are web series now, that are being funded by major corporations, like Kmart and Google. It's clear to me that me would make great plush dolls and action figures, so I don't know what all those companies are waiting for?! Here we are, Chiquita Banana!
But instead, we've turned to mobile phone technology... You know, apps, like this one for your iPhone!!
We teamed up with a new company called AppMakr.com (particularly a young fella named Jason Gray), and started sending our own special variety of fun with salsa out to all the techno-geeks out there in cyberspace. Let's face it, we've been online for a while, and we want to pretend that a lot of people keep up with us.
I'm a bird, as you may tell from my feather, aquiline nose, and ornery qualities. I decided if our audience wants to know about us, best thing to do is: TWEET!
So on our app, you'll be able to check out our Facebook Updates, Twitter, YouTube, This Blog, iTunes, and you could even buy our merch in the BUY STUFF section of the app -- including my very own presidential candidate's shirt on ZAZZLE: "SEÑOR LORO FOR PRESIDENT" T-shirt, which includes my motto: "I'M A PUPPET AND I ADMIT IT."
We've been revving up, and I've been trying to get into any of the presidential debates, but the only ones I've been able to get into are on the Metrobus when I'm riding around town, and it's usually with some old lady whose worried I might lay an egg on my seat.
In any case, the tryout of the show went very well! For the first time, I was in the editing room putting together a complete half-hour show like the ones you'd watch on television, and I was so excited that I wouldn't stop squawking. Finally, the editors told me to shut up, and the process became easier. I was cutting for the best takes of Me.
We delivered the show to the channel in Houston, who played them, and whose head of programming became a fan. But let's face it, advertising dollars for us are hard to come by, especially, since Mortimer Weasel took it upon himself to report to the big wigs at the networks that we only really have 3 subscribers and one follower. (THIS MEANS YOU: Kelvin Kao and Fox Michaels.)
They dropped us like hot tamales... But I made amends, and we're good now, especially since our episodes ended up doing so well on YouTube! Now, the studio in Houston knows just how many people we can reach, and next time will be able to cough up MACY'S as a sponsor! ... For now, the fountain in front of Macy's at the Mall is where we're getting our funding.
In this blog entry you'll see we embeded our PILOT, a 1/2 Hour Episode filled with minor glitches and errors, which make us raw and interesting. The overwhelming response is that that's why the people like it. There's nothing polished about it; that is our guarantee... There's also a wonderful bunch of talented, brilliant artists mentioned in the credits at the end. That's really who made this madness possible!
We're very proud to release these to the public in order to show the world, that if a bunch of downtrodden, knock-off puppets with a show like our own can make it in cyberspace -- then, maybe we have a shot at the Bigtime! And by that, I mean at some point becoming plush dolls.
"You're disgusting, Señor Loro, for being a sell-out!", you might say. But I tell you what, mis amigos. I am a part of the Puppet Beings of Sarcasm union, or PBS. I offer fair wages for puppets. Puppets are people, just like corporations, except puppets don't eat, which makes them easier to hire.
Conchita will work for two false eyelashes and a mojito.
So I've been having discussions with Alfonso, our resident rodent, who owns the studio where we shoot the show, at an undisclosed location in Miami and Hollywood, California (depending on my flight pattern that year) -- about how to make it more affordable, and how much he's going to get paid.
Other than a slight disruption during one of our Christmas webisodes last year, he and his eight hundred kids and countless family members have stayed within the walls, and not bothered us much.
Largely because our living, talking cannabis plant, Mary Juana, has taken her dead relatives and burned their bodies at the studio, funneling the smoke into the air conditioning system in the mornings. By mid-afternoon, we're all ravenous and the mice are busy eating the walls from the inside out.
As to what lies in the future for LosTiteres.TV, well that has everything to do with this economy. Should the economy stay the way it is, that means good things for our show, because we always had a tight budget of: zero dollars.
We know how to make ends meet with that. Usually, we meet and talk about how this is the End.
We have gotten through it this far! ... And conversely, should everything go well, in a few years, you'll be able to buy actions figures of us at Kmart, which is convenient because it's where many Latinos shop.
I've buried the headline because I'm in nesting mode up here at Martha's Vineyard.
I've made a nest, and my intricate weaving of random pieces of straw and plastic and paper I've woven it from is kinda like this story, you have to bury the elements within each other, which is what makes it all hold together. Makes it interesting, comfy and fulfilling to sit your ass in.
So sit your fluffy feathers and rest on the fact that New Webisodes are in the works, and will start appearing, along with new entries into this blog come November of 2011... They will include more Schmedley, Naked Bob, as well as my Campaign video and a full, 22 minute episode which features the film: I ALMOST MARRIED A MONSTER in its entirety!
Bueno, everyone, that's all the exciting stuff we've got going on this FALL!
I hope you all enjoy the couple of full episodes of LosTiteres.TV, which is made up of many of our older webisodes, cut up to go much faster, plus they include Never Before Seen Footage of myself introducing!
Look, gente, I don't expect you to vote for me in next year's election, but I do want to make some noise and be heard. Not because I have a political agenda, but because I run a business here, and I'm trying to make some good product. It should sound like Christina Aguilera and taste like Ricky Martin, it should look like JLo, and feel like Justin Timberlake (who is not Latino, but has got merengue in his soul).
See you in November folks... for now, I'll be perched on this tree limb, discussing with Alfonso how to take our show to the next level, as the breeze blows and as, a few yards away, president Obama lounges under another tree discussing how to get our country out of the red... I'm going to go over in a bit and suggest using coins from the fountain at the mall.
As for LosTiteres.TV, consider us on hiatus.
Adios, mis amigos, nos vemos in Noviembre!
Pecks on Your Face,
Señor Loro
President, LosTiteres.TV
Martha's Vineyard, New England
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