Señor Loro Holiday Special (Part 4)

There's nothing like an irate parrot and a nutty pianist during the holiday season -- and that is what we get when we mix my temper with Enrique's sarcastic wit. We might make up, as this is the holiday season, but we won't find out until Part 5!

Señor Loro Holiday Special (Part 3)

There's something heartwarming about nesting in a Christmas tree. The familiar notes of Christmas tunes can warm us up... But in this interview I'm all all about immigrant issues. Revealing my past with Fidel Castro, I tell all about my defection to the United States -- and the fact that my plumes go great with the nuanced art deco of South Beach is only a plus.

Señor Loro's Holiday Special (Part 2)

You won't believe to what extremes this red bird will go to in order to get Hollywood to pay attention! Yes, I'm back and I'm self-congratulating light years ahead of Hollywood Awards season!

Señor Loro's Holiday Special (Part 1)

Dear Holiday Hooligans...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Once again it is, I, the wacky bird with a fowl mouth and outraged temper. I'm here to calm my tail feathers down for once, and deliver a show that everyone will love. You remember specials like this one here from the times when you used to watch on TV growing up.

Remember when we'd get those classic moments of a famous host on TV, back "in the day", he (Kermit) or she (Carol Burnett) would sit by the fireplace with a guest star hugging a piano and play Christmas songs and trade rememberances about the past year? Well that is what this show is about ... And it all goes so fast, I tell you.

This year I'm in an elated mood, thanks to the success of this outrageous webisode series I created. I feel fluffed up enough, and centered on the stick in my birdcage enough to wish everyone a Merry Christmas -- and also to share a little of the holiday fun we've been having here at LosTiteres.TV!

For the past month, although not posting shows, we've been hard at work, with our beaks to the grindstone, cranking them out. You can expect a bunch of new sketches and segments with new and exciting characters, all scheduled to appear next year... which is only in a few days!

A taste of that savory goodness is here, with the gossipy celebrity goings on in Hollywood (and elsewhere) soon to be reported by our own social butterfly, Mario Mariposa. Mario is a terrific judge of celebrity character.

How's that, you ask? Simple: butterflies taste with their legs. And Mario has a penchant for landing on celebrity noses, and then running over to tells us what he's tasted. Many times it's not newsworthy, but sometimes it is. Yes, Britney tastes like train wreck, and Obama tastes like Oprah. But would you have guessed that Tom Cruise tastes like straight guy? Aston Kutcher like old lady, and Angelina Jolie like Nimibia? ... Maybe you would...

In this, his first webisode, Mario teams up with Conchita, and tries to land on her nose. Surprisingly, there's a big problem with that -- but I'll let you watch!... Next up Mario interviews a couple of Gay Maracas that frequently play with our band. Yes, much of the music you hear on LosTiteres.TV has their percussive stylings behind it...

Now be on the lookout, because my holiday special will be posed in this blog every day consecutively, every day for the next 5 days! Lots of activity around this crazy studio!

I hope you enjoy the music and the loving banter between myself, and someone who has become a mainstay and star of LosTiteres.TV, the multi-talented Enrique Teves.

Love and Happy Holiday Wishes,
Santa Loro
Host and Charlatan, LosTiteres.TV

The Conchita Show: It's All An Act!

Dear Amigos and confused internet readers who stumbled upon this laughable mess by mistake! It is I, once more, your favorite Loro -- here to introduce to you our next exciting webisode of LosTiteres.TV!

Conchita is a multitalented performer, as I'm sure you've seen. So far, she has appeared in her own woman's issues series, THE CONCHITA SHOW, as well as the saucy internet telenovela, EL AMOR DE CONCHITA Y RONALDO, and most recently a guest starring role making out with Eli on NAKED BOB... Conchita gets around.

Last week, Conchita barged into my office followed by a private band of about four musicians. She force-sang several songs to me before I could get a word in edge-wise. She tap-danced on my desk, she did triple pirrouettes on the carpet, and finally landed in a perfect cheerleader-like split in front of her startled musicians!... And then she let out a little fart, but I barely heard it.

Ultimately, she showed me that she's got the chops to be a singer, and the legs to do a split. So I asked her right then and there if she'd like to do a musical number on her CONCHITA SHOW?

She tilted her head and smiled at me, delighted that her plan had worked. Then she complimented me on how welll arranged my feathers look today, and I was delighted, and totally bought the ass-kissing.


Then, having gotten up, I mentioned I knew model/actor Vincent De Paul from the movies HAIRSPRAY and DREAMGIRLS, who might be interested in showing off his crooning on her show! Agog, Conchita's eyes flipped back in her head and she collapsed with a THUD!

So, it is a particular pleasure to present to you an episode that Conchita and I actually didn't fight about, but which, in fact, made her faint with delight!

In it, she sings a wonderful new song, entitled: "It's All An Act" ... We were hoping to get Stephen Sondheim to write the melody, but he flat out told us to MERRILY ROLL ALONG...

Vincent did want to perform in the show, and asked to work with Conchita by name, because he somehow finds her foamy skin attractive. After the shoot, Vincent confessed that he felt awkward about being referred to by Conchita as a "Doll Man" in the song, but that he'd suffer for his art.

To which I asked, "What art?"

Poor Vincent is under the false impression that there is some kind of artwork going on at LosTiteres.TV, when this is all just time-wasting schlock.

I fully acknowledge that this show is dreadfully insane -- and it is a slight use of the word to even call this show "entertainment". Okay, it's "webertainment", which I've just coined, and means it's useless and meaningless, but please watch it!

Gracias for clicking, and I hope you enjoy the song, the bitches and the Spanish fly. (*Watch and you'll see what I mean.)

Bueno, my friends, until next time, this is your favorite Cuban parrot saying:

"If Musica be the food of Amor, TOCA!!!"

Besitos en el Piquito
(Kisses on the Beak),
Mister Loro
Upscale Poultry, Musical Producer,
Host of LosTiteres.TV

Naked Bob, Fortuneteller

I met Naked Bob on a recent trip to the Bahamas where I saw him trying to sell coconuts to the natives. I just sat up in the palm tree and observed, laughing and shaking off my moulting feathers. Once those old ladies slapped him around and left, and he shook the sand from his eyes, I flew down to see if he was alright... And he was. Totally alright and average: You know, regular white guy trying to be a hippy in the 2000's, that sort of thing... Good luck.

He told me that he "knew my future", and "thanks for the concern". Immediately enthralled, I asked of him what was in store for this humble red parrot trying to create his own variety show on the web -- and he said he knew!

He knows, in fact, right now. But he won't say, otherwise it will mess up the space-time continuum -- but he assures me it's good! What he did reveal was that if I found him a nickel or a quarter, I would have better luck still!

I did him one better, I gave him his own show on my website! He was very excited about that. When he asked me how much it pays, I said, "About as much as you can fit into your pockets..."

Naked Bob laughed out loud so much that he coughed up a loogie. It was then that we truly bonded, when I flew up to his shoulder and sat there as he smoked himself a doobie on the beach, his balls hangin' out in plain view. I'm surprised they're never attacked by pelicans.

These days, my cameras follow him around as he meanders around the beaches, dispensing his visions of the future to wanderers by and seagulls who get visually caught up in the styling he's given his pubes.

I love Naked Bob. Because for all his nakedness, he's extremely vulnerable. So if you see him on the beach, be kind to him, maybe give him a dollar because you're human, and you can... BAAAAAKKKKK! ...

He once prophesied that LosTiteres.TV would become a show on network television! Now, that his segment has been added to the show, I believe he may be right... I can see that too -- so am I also psychic? .... Sí! ... Cubans are all psychic!

Naked Bob is a dude, who although calm and cool on the surface, is highly insecure. He's one of those lovable misfits that wanders beaches telling people their fortunes and showing his schlong. Witness the latest offering from LosTiteres.TV, and get your future read by a man who knows the naked truth. Guest Stars: Susan Artigas & Eli Eagle.

So, take a toke, get your cerveza or your Mojito ready, and strike up the bong -- lean back and enjoy the pubic stylings of:

Naked Bob.

Best to Y'Mama,
Señor Loro
Host/Traveling Parrot
LosTiteres.TV

Acting from an Hispanic P.O.V. with Ronaldo & Eli

Outrageous Oglers and Peeping Toms who watch this small comedic travesty that we call a webisode series -- once again you'll wonder today, how it's all done. I wonder myself, even though I produce this thing! The show's special guest today is Eli Eagle, who came to us as a young, eager, doe-eyed, virgin actor from Hollywood, and left us a "man".

South Beach -- the sex, the glamour -- will do that to ya.

Anyone who faces Ronaldo, gets "South Beach man" points... I don't know how they do it, Ronaldo can destroy people as much as he can lift them up! And they line up for BLOCKS to be on his show to seek out his lame advice!

I will not judge the advice he gives actors, but let's just say a certain parrot who has acting aspirations would be first caught dead, than do what this guy says... much less, let him grab my tail feathers, or get me drunk.

I'm moulting, so I'm particularly curmudgeonly today. BAAAAK!...

I'm excited though, because Eli did several sketches on the show, and joined a new actress in a new webisode series centered around a fella I met walking around South Beach. People call him: NAKED BOB! ...


He just stands around dispensing astrological advice to the beach, to people who pass by, and oftentimes to the palm trees. I have to admit that Susan, our other *Guest Star*, looked positively lovely in her bikini!

Eli not only looked chipper and recently hatched, he was a great interview guest. Although... he said a little more than he should have about his relationship offscreen with Susan!


And then, of course, Susan, who overheard, taped an interview segment with me, and that's when the drama starts flying! She had heard everything Eli said -- and what's worse -- everything I said!


I don't know what's going on with these Latina women! --First Conchita is batting frying pans at me, and now this one literally beats me up, smacks me! Just because I insinuated on the air that she was my "ho"...

How Eli ALSO got action from Conchita is beyond me. Probably the drinks he got her, after he learned Mojitos are her weakness from Ronaldo!


I mean, really.... It's a show! I have to drum up the Drama!

Eli's really helping out with his crazy comments and his sexual prowess! ... And I'm a male bird too, you know, and I believe I'm what is called in Miami a "Pimp-Player" (pronounced: Playyyyaaaahhh)... I have appearances to upkeep, yo.

From now on, Dear Reader, I will call you: Yo.

Until we actually start paying people to humiliate themselves on LosTiteres.TV, I have to admit that I've been baffled by how many young actors want to appear on the show! Some of them actually have careers! Most are completely Loony Tunes:

Behind closed doors, Susan pulled a GUN on me! Not only did she want to be in the show, she wants union wages! I told her to go f*ck herself, and she shot me in the wing! ... I hope she doesn't read this.

Diós Mio -- I may not be able to fly ever again.

But typing's fine.

Good luck watching this next batch! More Eli and Susan coming soon! Remember to subscribe to this blog, and you won't miss a moment, yo!

BAAAAAAK!

Saludos to all the South Beach Birds!
Señor Loro
Host & Producer (*Pimp)
LosTiteres.TV

EL AMOR DE CONCHITA Y RONALDO... A New Puppet Telenovela!

Do you eat bird seeds while you savor hour after hour of your favorite soap opera? Because if you're into General Hospital, or Guiding Light, or if you've ever wondered about the Days of Our Lives -- have we got a sexy treat for you!

LosTiteres.TV is getting underway with a much anticipated TELENOVELA of seismic proportions! Not until now has there been a puppet soap opera on the internet, much less one that smells like Tacos and Salsa!

Yes, my friends, Conchita and Ronaldo have put aside their differences to tolerate each other's breathing long enough to shoot the first webisode of this scandalous new soap opera. Yes, you'll see more crying here than a week with Paris Hilton at L.A. County Jail, more screaming than rehab with Linsay Lohan, and enough self righteousness to last you until the next episode of TYRA.

Telenovelas have never seen a love this plastic! Puppet stars Conchita and Ronaldo, two Latinos from LosTiteres.TV, debut this exciting telenovela webisode.

Gasping, clawing and mugging for a Daytime Emmy or a Webby, these "Pactors" (*puppet actors) employ fearless acting, spontaneous eruptions, and a Latina puppet on the verge of a foam breakdown!

Not since Lily Tomlin in I HEART HUCKABEES on YouTube have you seen such madness! Let the salsa music swell, their marriage crumble and the tears flow freely!

Saludos!
Feathers to My Fans --
El Señor Loro
The Decider

Acting From An Hispanic P.O.V with RONALDO!

Saludos Everyone, and thanks for reading the blog today!

If you've ever wanted an acting lesson, but don't know who the best coaches are, look no further. Teaching from an His-Panic point of view, our actor and acting coach, RONALDO (CONCHITA's husband), debuts his brand new show on our blog!

He may be eccentric and a little Cuban-crazy, but boy will be get a rise out of you and if you're not ready, scare you the hell out of show business!

BAAAAK! Sorry, I'm moulting and I tend to squawk more.

Happy Acting!
El Señor Loro
Cuban Parrot Extrordinaire

Latino Puppets Talkin' Smack

Hola Amigos,

I have been spending more time in the LosTiteres.TV studios than Paris Hilton will ever spend in jail.

I feel revitalized as a Latino and as a parrot, who is a recent arrival from Cuba, and now is living the American dream. Success has made me a little bi... Coastal.

Bi-coastal. Bilingual. And I'm a Buy-sexual. You buy me somethin', I'm sexual.



I'm always having to fly back and forth to Hollywood, and New York. Becoming a major celebrity is a real arm workout you, know? Yeah, I'm gonna go there: My wings are tired from all that flying. Baaaaaahcckkkhgkh!

Sometimes I do that... Anyway, please enjoy the new episodes up on our MySpace pagina -- that's "page" in Spanish, for those of you who know how to salsa...

There's a secret stash of stuff that I haven't put up on YouTube or MySpace.

You can find our new secret stuff by clickety-clicking around our LosTiteres.TV site, or going to Revver.com.

Enjoy our productions, I find them tiresome.

Hasta Luego, con una lata de Prego!
Señor Loro
Host/Producer, LosTiteres.TV
www.lostiteres.tv

MARY JUANA WIT DA 420

With Conchita back on board, making Mother's Day madness on LosTiteres.TV -- every one of the puppets that wanted to act with us decided to go full throttle. And that includes Mary Juana. Although she had a bumpy ride this time, I think she'll get more used to the production crew. I told her to memorize her lines, but she can barely walk and talk. Here she is in her very important debut performance (which was never entered in that competition she told me she sould be on time for): Mary Juana.

Think of her as the embodiment of the cannabis plant. That's how she came to meet me. I was talking to some friends while perched on a palm tree, and someone was planting her down below. I've seen her grown up into full on foliage. I'm fascinated as to what kind of show she'll turn up. I call her a "she", but she's also a "he"... Being a plant, she's a bit of a hermaphrodite, so don't try to figure her out:

420 is cop code for weed bust. Let's hope she's always free to grow, and never gets deported. Why, one day, she might even be legalized!

CONCHITA'S MOTHER'S DAY CONFESSION

There are things you didn't know about this celebrity, that she will now confess:

WEBISODES and NEW ACTORS ON THE WAY!

Well, with Conchita walking out on me, I had a terrible time getting everyone together to shoot more of everyone's favorite webisode series, LosTiteres.TV!

But lo and behold, our executive producer conjured up puppeteer, Andrew Moore, who has his own series on the web called DISEMBODIED ANIMAL HEAD THEATRE... I'm a little worried about the content, so I'm scared to watch it myself, but he's very good I hear.

Plus, we finally got a real, honest to goodness cinematographer (Ivan Corona -- his last name means CROWN in Spanish!) It also means imported beer... I have been crying about this since the beginning of this operation: to get a cinematographer and now, FINALLY. Maybe soon I'll get A/C in my office. I mean, who wants to do this silly show, if my beak is badly lit in profile? Nobody.

But actors did do live tapings of the show! The sexy Susan Artigas made an appearance, and was the first guest to officially smack me across the beak!... Did I look too much at her set of TETAS?

I think we'll have her back. Make sure to look for her doing a sketch with Naked Bob -- who got a horrible sunburn, and now his balls look like cherries.

Eli Eagle came by and did some great massage work with Conchita, had his acting skill challenged on one of Ronaldo's brilliant shows and I, Señor Loro, interviewed him. Man, what a set of abs! South Beach flesh is on display in upcoming LosTiteres.TV webisodes, my little chickidees.

Keep looking out for our webisodes! Checking regularly! We'll be here! BAAAAK!

Love and Mambo,
Señor Loro
Producer, Head Bird
LosTiteres.TV

CONCHITA BITCH SLAPPED ME!

Tu sabes -- you know -- usually I would arrive at my blog or start the show with plenty of cheer and excitement, something like; WELCOME TO LOS TITERES! Pero this time, I'm sad to say things are going bananas over here! Well, as many of you know, I interview the guests that are on the different webisode segments. As a matter of fact, here is a picture/link to the first part of the interview, which started me on the spiral towards trouble! Click on the picture below, and then watch Part 2 on the LosTiteres.TV site! You'll see:

It turns out that when I asked Enrique, Conchita's life coach about her, the information that he revealed about her struggling marriage -- well, it pissed her off. So, she CAME AT ME, my friends, with claws so large I could see them through those yellow satin gloves she has on all the time. There's no pissed off woman, like a crazy Latina bitch! She SLAPPED me, and yelled at me in Spanish spoken so fast, that I was hard-pressed to understand it. And it's my first language.

Oh, but that's not all -- apparently Mary Juana is gearing up to post the first episode of her new show where she talks all about being a cannabis plant. It's called "Mary Juana wit' da 420", because she wants to sounds urban, we all know she's really a Jew, raised and home grown by some Guatemalan in the Everglades. Whatever. Apparently, 420 is "cop code" for cannabis. Pot. Weed. Maui-Wowie. Reefer. You get the picture.


So she came to me ALL RILED UP, talking about the fact that she wants to enter her webisode in a contest on this one place on the web called Revver.com! They’re having some “green contest” next month. You enter a webisode about something “green”. She feels she’s a shoo-in, I don’t know why…

I do know that she must have been on some speed or cocaine or something because she was totally acting normal. Usually, her eyes are bloodshot, and she's kind of down. But today she was perky as a nipple on the chest of a male adolescent Cuban getting told he gets a night alone to do what he will with half-Cuban Cameron Diaz. Perky.

So I said, "Mi amorrrrr, don't you worry about that. We are posting our webisodes on Revver.com anyway! So go off and create that thing you call a show, and bring it back to me, okay? ... Um, can I -- can I eat a chunk of your hair? I'm really stressed out right now. Yeah, no not the green part, the little red hairs? Great. Yeah."

An hour later I was really relaxed. So I took to wandering around, following these strange colored balls I was seeing in front of me, and happened upon the NEWS & WEATHER GUYS, you know, Ponch and Jimmy. And I took my camera, and kind of shot some stuff they were talking about. Something weird is going on with those two. It's like they're gay, but they both have wives. About the only thing they don't do is have sex together!

So, after this, I went and wrote an apology letter to Conchita: "My dearest, quieridisima, Conchita... I'm sorry I had you arrested when you slapped me. I promise I will drop all charges on the condition that you return to the show. We miss you very much! I hope you do not get molested while you're there or become anyone's bitch... Well, knowing you, you probably have a harem of your own bitches by now. Mucho Amor, Señor Loro."

I think she'll be back...

Well, I do feel better, mis amigos... Wanna feel better about your own pathetic lives? ... Well you don't live in South Beach like me, do you? Then get a taste of fabulousness by clicking around our site, and check out my brand new interviews. They got me in trouble, but it was well worth it.

BAAAAAAAKKK!

Sorry, I'm a bird, I do that sometimes.

Señor Loro
Producer/Host
LosTiteres.tv

Saludos from Señor Loro!

Hola and Saludos mis amigos! And welcome to
the first webisode of our very exciting new Spanglish
series on LosTiteres.TV!

So glad you could come along with us on a comedy journey that's going to span the globe and tickle your Universe. My name is Senor Loro, and I'll be your Latin parrot host, okay?! I promise not to squawk or ask you for a cracker! There will be none of those stereotypes on THIS show!

I hatched originally in the lovely island of Cuba, but I emigrated here last year when the revolution tried not to make me repeat promises they made us a few
years ago. What was it? Oh yes, Fidel promised: breakfast lunch and dinner.

I usually sit on his shoulder, but like the island he
hijacked Cuba -- he's gotten too old to hold me up.

We used to -- and I don't think he'll mind if I tell
this -- we used to play pirate ship together. Am i
getting teary eyed? Lloroso? Veklempt? When he was in
his early 60's. He made me call him Blackbeard, and he
was just nutty -- that one.

So I said, you know, Fidel -- I gotta fly to the
states, I got a deal for a new program from an
undisclosed location in Miami, Florida! And he was
like, "No, who will play pirate with me?" And I was
like, "See ya sucka." And I flew away.

Later, in Miami, I landed on the shoulder of this
old vaudeville producer interested in variety shows.
I gave him my pitch for this show.
And he was like, "Have you hosted a show before?"
I said, "No, but I personally -- how do you say,
'dissed' Fidel Castro."

Impressed, and a rabid anti-Castro Republican himself,
he help me produce this show, although he wishes not
to be named. But you might say that his name might be
Bernie Frillstein, our generous donor and moneybags.

The funds come from an undisclosed location in Colombia,
but he threatened me with removal of my plumage if
I talk too much. Which unfortunately is my habit.

Ooops.

I've said too much. Squuuaaaawwwwkkkk!!! --

When I get nervous, those squawks come up like
the hiccups.

Por favor, my friends, forgive me.

Now, I know many of you will be interested in learning
what programations we will be offering?!

Well, stir up a Mojito, sit back and relax.

We're going to have spicy interviews with stars and
exciting new webcasts! Shows like: NAKED BOB'S ASTROLOGY
-- all the way from Venice Beach, California!

Also, confessions of an illicit hallucinogenic drug.
Our very own MARY JUANA W/DA 420.

No, but wait, there's more! You'll get the NEWS &
WEATHER WITH PONCH & JIMMY, and special reports from
MARIO MARIPOSA TASTES CELEBRITY NOSES, and the sinister,
yet goofy SCHMEDLEY SCHPARKY SHOW.

It's a Latin American extravaganza cornucopia
extrordinaire here! It's crazy, you know why? Because
it's FREE! How much do you pay? NADA! And unlike when
I was sitting on Castro's shoulder, I'm allowed to say
anything I want! And I want to say:

We'll bring you more hip-shaking and ass-grabbing than
you've seen with puppets in a long time, baby!

I'm telling you, this is going to be
Super-Sensasssssional!

Okay?... QUE?! You want MAS!

Well, sit your baby-got back rump, relax your clicking
finger!

We begin by telling you that "TITERES" in Spanish
means PUPPETS, so everything you'll see here is THE
BEST in new, up and coming LATINO PUPPET TALENT.

And some of you have found out about our first, debut
webisode launching, and have already written in
asking us to post the first episode EVER of this NEW
and EXCITING, SEXY TELENOVELA that is all the talk
around SOUTH BEACH -- Especially in palm trees I perch
on: EL AMOR DE CONCHITA Y RONALDO.

These two have so much talent that they also have their
own shows! Conchita has a talk show, and Ronaldo teaches
acting from an Hispanic Point of View. If you're an
aspiring telenovela actor, you just can't miss his tips!

It's hot, it's lusty, it's wild sexual abandonment
in Spanish!

Don't flip your tamales, keep balancing your Carmen
Miranda fruits in a basket above your head, and enjoy
the first episode of LOS TITERES.TV!

Saludos!
El Señor Loro
Host Extrordinaire