CONCHITA BITCH SLAPPED ME!

Tu sabes -- you know -- usually I would arrive at my blog or start the show with plenty of cheer and excitement, something like; WELCOME TO LOS TITERES! Pero this time, I'm sad to say things are going bananas over here! Well, as many of you know, I interview the guests that are on the different webisode segments. As a matter of fact, here is a picture/link to the first part of the interview, which started me on the spiral towards trouble! Click on the picture below, and then watch Part 2 on the LosTiteres.TV site! You'll see:

It turns out that when I asked Enrique, Conchita's life coach about her, the information that he revealed about her struggling marriage -- well, it pissed her off. So, she CAME AT ME, my friends, with claws so large I could see them through those yellow satin gloves she has on all the time. There's no pissed off woman, like a crazy Latina bitch! She SLAPPED me, and yelled at me in Spanish spoken so fast, that I was hard-pressed to understand it. And it's my first language.

Oh, but that's not all -- apparently Mary Juana is gearing up to post the first episode of her new show where she talks all about being a cannabis plant. It's called "Mary Juana wit' da 420", because she wants to sounds urban, we all know she's really a Jew, raised and home grown by some Guatemalan in the Everglades. Whatever. Apparently, 420 is "cop code" for cannabis. Pot. Weed. Maui-Wowie. Reefer. You get the picture.


So she came to me ALL RILED UP, talking about the fact that she wants to enter her webisode in a contest on this one place on the web called Revver.com! They’re having some “green contest” next month. You enter a webisode about something “green”. She feels she’s a shoo-in, I don’t know why…

I do know that she must have been on some speed or cocaine or something because she was totally acting normal. Usually, her eyes are bloodshot, and she's kind of down. But today she was perky as a nipple on the chest of a male adolescent Cuban getting told he gets a night alone to do what he will with half-Cuban Cameron Diaz. Perky.

So I said, "Mi amorrrrr, don't you worry about that. We are posting our webisodes on Revver.com anyway! So go off and create that thing you call a show, and bring it back to me, okay? ... Um, can I -- can I eat a chunk of your hair? I'm really stressed out right now. Yeah, no not the green part, the little red hairs? Great. Yeah."

An hour later I was really relaxed. So I took to wandering around, following these strange colored balls I was seeing in front of me, and happened upon the NEWS & WEATHER GUYS, you know, Ponch and Jimmy. And I took my camera, and kind of shot some stuff they were talking about. Something weird is going on with those two. It's like they're gay, but they both have wives. About the only thing they don't do is have sex together!

So, after this, I went and wrote an apology letter to Conchita: "My dearest, quieridisima, Conchita... I'm sorry I had you arrested when you slapped me. I promise I will drop all charges on the condition that you return to the show. We miss you very much! I hope you do not get molested while you're there or become anyone's bitch... Well, knowing you, you probably have a harem of your own bitches by now. Mucho Amor, Señor Loro."

I think she'll be back...

Well, I do feel better, mis amigos... Wanna feel better about your own pathetic lives? ... Well you don't live in South Beach like me, do you? Then get a taste of fabulousness by clicking around our site, and check out my brand new interviews. They got me in trouble, but it was well worth it.

BAAAAAAAKKK!

Sorry, I'm a bird, I do that sometimes.

Señor Loro
Producer/Host
LosTiteres.tv

Saludos from Señor Loro!

Hola and Saludos mis amigos! And welcome to
the first webisode of our very exciting new Spanglish
series on LosTiteres.TV!

So glad you could come along with us on a comedy journey that's going to span the globe and tickle your Universe. My name is Senor Loro, and I'll be your Latin parrot host, okay?! I promise not to squawk or ask you for a cracker! There will be none of those stereotypes on THIS show!

I hatched originally in the lovely island of Cuba, but I emigrated here last year when the revolution tried not to make me repeat promises they made us a few
years ago. What was it? Oh yes, Fidel promised: breakfast lunch and dinner.

I usually sit on his shoulder, but like the island he
hijacked Cuba -- he's gotten too old to hold me up.

We used to -- and I don't think he'll mind if I tell
this -- we used to play pirate ship together. Am i
getting teary eyed? Lloroso? Veklempt? When he was in
his early 60's. He made me call him Blackbeard, and he
was just nutty -- that one.

So I said, you know, Fidel -- I gotta fly to the
states, I got a deal for a new program from an
undisclosed location in Miami, Florida! And he was
like, "No, who will play pirate with me?" And I was
like, "See ya sucka." And I flew away.

Later, in Miami, I landed on the shoulder of this
old vaudeville producer interested in variety shows.
I gave him my pitch for this show.
And he was like, "Have you hosted a show before?"
I said, "No, but I personally -- how do you say,
'dissed' Fidel Castro."

Impressed, and a rabid anti-Castro Republican himself,
he help me produce this show, although he wishes not
to be named. But you might say that his name might be
Bernie Frillstein, our generous donor and moneybags.

The funds come from an undisclosed location in Colombia,
but he threatened me with removal of my plumage if
I talk too much. Which unfortunately is my habit.

Ooops.

I've said too much. Squuuaaaawwwwkkkk!!! --

When I get nervous, those squawks come up like
the hiccups.

Por favor, my friends, forgive me.

Now, I know many of you will be interested in learning
what programations we will be offering?!

Well, stir up a Mojito, sit back and relax.

We're going to have spicy interviews with stars and
exciting new webcasts! Shows like: NAKED BOB'S ASTROLOGY
-- all the way from Venice Beach, California!

Also, confessions of an illicit hallucinogenic drug.
Our very own MARY JUANA W/DA 420.

No, but wait, there's more! You'll get the NEWS &
WEATHER WITH PONCH & JIMMY, and special reports from
MARIO MARIPOSA TASTES CELEBRITY NOSES, and the sinister,
yet goofy SCHMEDLEY SCHPARKY SHOW.

It's a Latin American extravaganza cornucopia
extrordinaire here! It's crazy, you know why? Because
it's FREE! How much do you pay? NADA! And unlike when
I was sitting on Castro's shoulder, I'm allowed to say
anything I want! And I want to say:

We'll bring you more hip-shaking and ass-grabbing than
you've seen with puppets in a long time, baby!

I'm telling you, this is going to be
Super-Sensasssssional!

Okay?... QUE?! You want MAS!

Well, sit your baby-got back rump, relax your clicking
finger!

We begin by telling you that "TITERES" in Spanish
means PUPPETS, so everything you'll see here is THE
BEST in new, up and coming LATINO PUPPET TALENT.

And some of you have found out about our first, debut
webisode launching, and have already written in
asking us to post the first episode EVER of this NEW
and EXCITING, SEXY TELENOVELA that is all the talk
around SOUTH BEACH -- Especially in palm trees I perch
on: EL AMOR DE CONCHITA Y RONALDO.

These two have so much talent that they also have their
own shows! Conchita has a talk show, and Ronaldo teaches
acting from an Hispanic Point of View. If you're an
aspiring telenovela actor, you just can't miss his tips!

It's hot, it's lusty, it's wild sexual abandonment
in Spanish!

Don't flip your tamales, keep balancing your Carmen
Miranda fruits in a basket above your head, and enjoy
the first episode of LOS TITERES.TV!

Saludos!
El Señor Loro
Host Extrordinaire