LosTiteres.TV

Señor Loro guest stars on Day 7 of Grant Baciocco's Advent Calendar

2011-12-08T10:44:00.000-08:00

Dear Festive Holidays Amigos,

I was very excited and pleased to be invited as Grant Baciocco's webcast guest star of his 2011 Advent Calendar.

Grant is an award winning podcaster who has been featured in many magazines and online for his famous children's show, The Radio Adventures of Dr. Floyd!

We met Grant at the Jim Henson Studios in Hollywood, California and have continued to be pals with him since then because not only is he an exceptionally nice guy, he's also a producer of puppet programming.

Be sure to become his Twitter friend at: @ToasterBoy, and you'll find out about his many projects! We expect more big things will come from this great talent!

For now, we were very excited to be on the show, and hope to be invited back next year, although I don't know if my laughing during sad movies is really politically correct...?

Then again, when have you known me to be a politically correct Polly?

Look, all I want is a cracker.

Hugs for the Holidays,
Señor Loro
Proud Guest Star of Grant Baciocco's Advent Calendar

Señor Loro announces the new iPhone app for LosTiteres.TV!

2011-12-02T16:21:00.000-08:00

“I ALMOST MARRIED A MONSTER!” ~ a funny fantasy film con titeres, directed & edited by Felix Pire

2011-11-29T11:16:00.000-08:00

Dear Locos,

We're gonna give you a Woody ... Allen.

As you all know, this film has been in the works up in here at LosTiteres.TV studios for the past year, and with the opening of The Muppets movie, we thought we'd give you the edgy alternative and cough up something that might have been written by Woody Allen.

This screenplay came up through friends at the New York Film Academy, which is ironically on the Universal Studios lot, across from Warner Brothers studios in Burbank, California.

Who knew that the studios there would be so scrunched up together as to be practically across the street? There are more studios in Hollywood than Starbucks.

With the help of a few of our friends and Dr. Stan Monsterberg and Francine, two puppets who've become adjunct members of our comedy company of schmactors (I just coined that, it means "Schmaltzy Actors").

We also cast some humans as central to the storyline, and they were spectacularly funny. They are sort of the anti-"Gary & Mary", if you saw the last Muppets movie.

"I Almost Married a Monster!" is a parable about love and relationships, told through four questionable characters who act like MoNsTerS!

The film made its onscreen debut at Warner Brothers Studios. We brought on some "no-name" director-editor people have scoffed at, Felix Pire (yes, our producer) -- but hell, he delivered it on time and under budget.

TIP: The end credits are worth the wait!

Happy Winter!
Señor Loro
Foul Fowl-in-Chief

We'll Be Right Back!

2011-11-17T09:53:00.000-08:00

"METRO KID" WINS HONORABLE MENTION at the 2011 Transit Flicks Competition!

2011-10-27T09:18:00.000-07:00

Hola Mis Votadores! ... Hello, MY VOTERS!

You will not believe this smack -- WE WON! Yes, we did!

Gracias! ... MUCHAS GRACIAS to all of you who voted for us!

And for those of you who decided to vote for other flicks, may the Lord do what he will with you! ... I would have you plucked and dipped in the blood of former cast members of the Latino musical, In The Heights. But that's just me, I'm extravagant.

Finally, we make a puppet movie that serves the viewer, and it wins a festival! Go figure.

Unlike the self-involved programming we've been providing, "METRO KID" is a lovely commercial for the Hollywood area's transit system, and it proves that once again ~ titeres are where it's at!

Mortimer Weasel explains the delights of watching the news on the bus.

Entiendes? Puppets, especially Spanish and bilingual ones, with a productive message is what is going to propel this brand forward!

Yet, I got my marketing training from a puppet pidgeon who's still active on MySpace... He might be a little behind the trend.

But look at us! Honorable Mention! ... I mean, what I expected was:

"Who's this parrot with a mustache? Where did he come from? -- SECURITY!"

And then a bunch of people would have hauled me out of there with my flick on my flip drive.

Señor Loro at his desk, LosTiteres.TV Studios

Now, what do we win...? Turns out, the winner gets an All-You-Can-Bus Pass for the month of November, 2011.

And that, my friends, is called: The Bigtime...

Totalling the amount of bus travel I do on a daily basis in Hollywood -- (and it's highly glamarous to ride the busses around here, may I add, everyone always stops and stares when you get out of one) -- it's a good $64 dollars worth.

Why don't you fly, you ask? ... Why don't you stop stereotyping me?

Y también, I would like to add, that if I were TU, I'd be very excited!

We have some earth revolutionizing stuff coming up in November, if by "revolucionando el mundo", I mean:

Fresh LosTiteres.TV mayhem with Naked Bob, Mary Juana, Conchita, Mortimer Weasel!


Stan Monsterberg, star of I ALMOST MARRIED A MONSTER!

Plus, another 1/2 hour episode, featuring a new short film, called I ALMOST MARRIED A MONSTER!, which made its debut on a screen at Warner Brothers movie studio in Burbank, California!

So, stick around, we'll be right back...

Señor Loro
Producer of the Award Winning Film, "Metro Kid"
LosTiteres.TV Studios
Felix Pire Bldg, 2nd Fl, Nest #201

VOTE FOR: "Metro Kid", a LosTiteres.TV FINALIST in MTA's 2011 Transit Flicks Competition!

2011-10-22T10:23:00.000-07:00

Dear Amigos,

We're FINALISTS in a FILM COMPETITION! ... And who says immigrant puppets are worthless...? We can entertain just like everyone else!

We can wash soiled linens and scrub toilets, just like Lindsay Lohan doing community service at the morgue.

I'm positive those morticians can break Lindsay Lohan in & scare the shit outta her -- as long as she's doesn't believe the cadavers are mirrors...

Happy pre-Halloween.

Please VOTE for our newest short flick, called "METRO KID", starring a few of our puppets acting as other characters.

Conchita's son Yoyi stars in this one, taking you on a tour through Hollywood by using the metro bus. Scroll to the bottom of the page and CLICK US TO SUCCESS!

By the way, voting ends: Oct. 24, 2011!

You can find the MTA's 2011 Transit Flicks Competition's page at: http://www.metro.net/about/transit-flicks/

We will be cranking out our newest webisodes in November of 2011, so stay tuned!

Love,
Señor Loro
Proud Producer of
Hand Made Puppet Flicks

LosTiteres.TV aims to become BRANDED ENTERTAINMENT!

2011-08-25T14:00:00.000-07:00

Saludos, Zorros!

Yes I'm calling you a Zorro!

Because all you foxes who watch LosTiteres.TV are clever and wiley. You know that we are the last puppet Coca-Cola in the Latino desert, and you've come back for more entertainment and insight into what's going on behind the scenes at LosTiteres.TV!

Well, in addition to partnering with Appmakr.com to create our very own LosTiteres.TV! iPhone application, as you can see in this screenshot which is what happens when you press the YouTube button. Beautiful previews:

Then, if you wanna buy our gear, made by American puppets of Latino descent living in cactus plants in Arizona, you can go to the BUY OUR STUFF button, and see the following...

(We ALREADY have: "SEÑOR LORO FOR PRESIDENT" T-shirts in stock!)

And here's what's most important, we're learning how to brand ourselves and sell ourselves like cheap online sex toys...

Well, we're not selling the plush doll version of ourselves on Zazzle.com yet, but that's next!

What's really exciting is the fact that we know who we are:

... AND WE KNOW WHAT WE WANT:

You know, in this economy you have to be smart and out-reaching. You have to think both inside the computer box and outside of it.

And, as a parrot, all I previously knew from Fidel Castro's teachings, was REPEAT... But America means INNOVATE!

And during bad economic times -- that's when puppets thrive, because our dietary budget is: $0. We live on nada, nothing, negative zero...

When you've got nothing, all of a sudden, big bright red feathers grow out of your arms, and you realize you can fly. You've not nothing to lose!

Enterprising in America,
Señor Loro
Parrot Producer, Business Man, Mogul

LosTiteres.TV Returns in November of 2011

2011-08-19T13:08:00.000-07:00

LosTieres.TV ~ PILOT EPISODE

My Dear Amigos, One Subscriber and Three Followers,

As you can imagine, I am happy to be back writing to you while vacationing in Martha's Vineyard... I decided to take a little time off to reassess, to figure out where it is exactly LosTiteres.TV is as a series.

It recently played on television, but of course, right when we're in the midst of the recession. Who is going to be maverick enough to invest in some clever and unusual puppets with a Latin slant...?

Conchita was depressed about it, and she went into counseling with her husband Ronaldo, whose business teaching acting hit the skids. People found out that he was teaching it from an Hispanic Point of View, and everyone figured out that the networks would be uninterested, as reflected by their casting this year.

Mario Mariposa called and told me that his lover of five years was being threatened to be deported, and that he was a mess without work. Same goes for Naked Bob, who called me while selling locks of his hair as macrame.

And Shmedley, you might ask? What happened to him? ... Our one sponsor?! ... Well, he's decided to open a couple of plants for puppets in China, and took away our funding. In essence, now he's paying us less for giving him the pleasure of appearing on our show.

Talking about branded entertainment, we found out that there are web series now, that are being funded by major corporations, like Kmart and Google. It's clear to me that me would make great plush dolls and action figures, so I don't know what all those companies are waiting for?! Here we are, Chiquita Banana!

But instead, we've turned to mobile phone technology... You know, apps, like this one for your iPhone!!

We teamed up with a new company called AppMakr.com (particularly a young fella named Jason Gray), and started sending our own special variety of fun with salsa out to all the techno-geeks out there in cyberspace. Let's face it, we've been online for a while, and we want to pretend that a lot of people keep up with us.

I'm a bird, as you may tell from my feather, aquiline nose, and ornery qualities. I decided if our audience wants to know about us, best thing to do is: TWEET!

So on our app, you'll be able to check out our Facebook Updates, Twitter, YouTube, This Blog, iTunes, and you could even buy our merch in the BUY STUFF section of the app -- including my very own presidential candidate's shirt on ZAZZLE: "SEÑOR LORO FOR PRESIDENT" T-shirt, which includes my motto: "I'M A PUPPET AND I ADMIT IT."

We've been revving up, and I've been trying to get into any of the presidential debates, but the only ones I've been able to get into are on the Metrobus when I'm riding around town, and it's usually with some old lady whose worried I might lay an egg on my seat.

In any case, the tryout of the show went very well! For the first time, I was in the editing room putting together a complete half-hour show like the ones you'd watch on television, and I was so excited that I wouldn't stop squawking. Finally, the editors told me to shut up, and the process became easier. I was cutting for the best takes of Me.

We delivered the show to the channel in Houston, who played them, and whose head of programming became a fan. But let's face it, advertising dollars for us are hard to come by, especially, since Mortimer Weasel took it upon himself to report to the big wigs at the networks that we only really have 3 subscribers and one follower. (THIS MEANS YOU: Kelvin Kao and Fox Michaels.)

They dropped us like hot tamales... But I made amends, and we're good now, especially since our episodes ended up doing so well on YouTube! Now, the studio in Houston knows just how many people we can reach, and next time will be able to cough up MACY'S as a sponsor! ... For now, the fountain in front of Macy's at the Mall is where we're getting our funding.

In this blog entry you'll see we embeded our PILOT, a 1/2 Hour Episode filled with minor glitches and errors, which make us raw and interesting. The overwhelming response is that that's why the people like it. There's nothing polished about it; that is our guarantee... There's also a wonderful bunch of talented, brilliant artists mentioned in the credits at the end. That's really who made this madness possible!

We're very proud to release these to the public in order to show the world, that if a bunch of downtrodden, knock-off puppets with a show like our own can make it in cyberspace -- then, maybe we have a shot at the Bigtime! And by that, I mean at some point becoming plush dolls.

"You're disgusting, Señor Loro, for being a sell-out!", you might say. But I tell you what, mis amigos. I am a part of the Puppet Beings of Sarcasm union, or PBS. I offer fair wages for puppets. Puppets are people, just like corporations, except puppets don't eat, which makes them easier to hire.

Conchita will work for two false eyelashes and a mojito.

LosTieres.TV ~ EPISODE 2

So I've been having discussions with Alfonso, our resident rodent, who owns the studio where we shoot the show, at an undisclosed location in Miami and Hollywood, California (depending on my flight pattern that year) -- about how to make it more affordable, and how much he's going to get paid.

Other than a slight disruption during one of our Christmas webisodes last year, he and his eight hundred kids and countless family members have stayed within the walls, and not bothered us much.

Largely because our living, talking cannabis plant, Mary Juana, has taken her dead relatives and burned their bodies at the studio, funneling the smoke into the air conditioning system in the mornings. By mid-afternoon, we're all ravenous and the mice are busy eating the walls from the inside out.

As to what lies in the future for LosTiteres.TV, well that has everything to do with this economy. Should the economy stay the way it is, that means good things for our show, because we always had a tight budget of: zero dollars.

We know how to make ends meet with that. Usually, we meet and talk about how this is the End.

We have gotten through it this far! ... And conversely, should everything go well, in a few years, you'll be able to buy actions figures of us at Kmart, which is convenient because it's where many Latinos shop.

I've buried the headline because I'm in nesting mode up here at Martha's Vineyard.

I've made a nest, and my intricate weaving of random pieces of straw and plastic and paper I've woven it from is kinda like this story, you have to bury the elements within each other, which is what makes it all hold together. Makes it interesting, comfy and fulfilling to sit your ass in.

So sit your fluffy feathers and rest on the fact that New Webisodes are in the works, and will start appearing, along with new entries into this blog come November of 2011... They will include more Schmedley, Naked Bob, as well as my Campaign video and a full, 22 minute episode which features the film: I ALMOST MARRIED A MONSTER in its entirety!

Bueno, everyone, that's all the exciting stuff we've got going on this FALL!

I hope you all enjoy the couple of full episodes of LosTiteres.TV, which is made up of many of our older webisodes, cut up to go much faster, plus they include Never Before Seen Footage of myself introducing!

Look, gente, I don't expect you to vote for me in next year's election, but I do want to make some noise and be heard. Not because I have a political agenda, but because I run a business here, and I'm trying to make some good product. It should sound like Christina Aguilera and taste like Ricky Martin, it should look like JLo, and feel like Justin Timberlake (who is not Latino, but has got merengue in his soul).

See you in November folks... for now, I'll be perched on this tree limb, discussing with Alfonso how to take our show to the next level, as the breeze blows and as, a few yards away, president Obama lounges under another tree discussing how to get our country out of the red... I'm going to go over in a bit and suggest using coins from the fountain at the mall.

As for LosTiteres.TV, consider us on hiatus.

Adios, mis amigos, nos vemos in Noviembre!

Pecks on Your Face,
Señor Loro
President, LosTiteres.TV
Martha's Vineyard, New England

Latino puppet series gets plucked by Mi Casa Broadcasting digital cable!

2011-01-04T11:20:00.000-08:00

It’s Official! The new television station Mi Casa Broadcasting (which has entered a deal with fiber optic network giant, Phonoscope), will air two half-hour pilot episodes this year on Houston digital cable of my comedy series with Latino puppets: “Felix Pire’s LosTiteres.TV!”

Alfonso's Christmas Message to Martha & The Kids

2010-12-29T11:38:00.000-08:00

Some fathers don't keep up with their kids ever and much less during the holiday season. It's not easy, especially in the case of Alfonso, who has quite a few kids.

Here is a brief message from a good guy at heart, who might be referred to by his wife as a dirty rat...

Happy Holidays to all of you and remember, be good to your kin.

Love and feathers,
Señor Loro

Season's Saludos from Señor Loro

2010-12-02T13:36:00.000-08:00

Hola, Mis Amigos!

I always wonder if there's anyone out there watching our frail little webisode show, and I'd bet that there is really no one on Earth watching what goes on with Latino puppets. I can only hope that somewhere out on another planet, they have access to our transmissions. At least someone will be getting a chuckle.

I take my job seriously. It's a job I gave myself out of the love of my puppet pals, their talents and the fact that I'm hoping to one day turn this over, hook, line and sinker to Goggle ads and have them make it look busier than a MySpace page on crack, who just vomited some flashing gifs. You cyber-geeks out there know what I'm talking about...

Most of you, though, and by most of you, I mean the people that populate the fictional giant audience I have in my imagination -- you want to know what happened behind the scenes that influenced this webisode, and it's not so much what happened behind the scenes as what happened behind the walls.

I heard some rumbling back there, behind the wall next to my producer desk, which is old and wooden and might have some white bird crap stains on it, I won't explain how they got there. Okay, I will, my carrier pigeon friends come over and bring me my medicinal X-pills every once in a while, and they're messy...

But to the side of my desk there's one of those stereotypical rodent holes in the wooden walls you've all seen on Tom & Jerry. That's where Alfonso, our lawyer and regular commentator lives. I figured, like he's spoken of in the past while smoking his cigar, which perturbs me to no end -- that this is where he lives with his wife and 800 kids. As it turns out, he also invites poker playing pals from God-knows where to gamble in the walls...

If we get the FBI busting these already fragile walls down, that'll be it. Show's over, doors closed, end of puppet story. So, as usual, I'm worried about the worst happening, while trying to put together our pilot episode for a new cable channel in Houston for a station called Mi Casa Broadcasting. They contacted us recently about giving our show a test run, and we couldn't be more excited!

To celebrate the oncoming season of mirth and joy, I recently came out to deliver my Xmas monologue by trashing Fidel Castro. This is one of my yearly traditions which I do year round. He's perfect to mock this time of year. He's tall and always dresses in green and stole Christmas from the Cubans; let's face it, he's the living GRINCH!

So to make fun of this bearded Sergeant Buzzkill, and to exercise my freedom of speech, I love to roast Fidel. God knows if I showed up back at his mansion in Cuba and he caught me, the dinner menu would include roast parrot.

Alfonso is dear, don't get me wrong, but he's a handful as you'll see from the video. Hey, we want to be all inclusive here and we don't discriminate against grey people, but more and more I tend to find them debaucherous...

My stress is producing these two new episodes I promised to that Houston station, while still keeping the integrity of our online programming... That's funny, when you read "integrity", I saw your mind chuckle.

Okay, LOOK! (As most TV pundits say when they're stalling to mentally grope for an idea.) Look -- I admit we don't have but one writer. I admit that there's little to no integrity to anything on the show. I have about as much integrity as John McCain dealing with "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" -- I will dance about and waffle more than Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles, and you will never pin me down on the issue I hear of time and time again: "This show's crap, give it up, Loro."

I believe in this show as much as McCain believes that gays should not be in the military because they belong safe and sound at home, not off fighting wars, where they might get killed. I'm just trying to keep my show safe and sound.

One writer. I trust him. He's not funny, he's not clever, but he always shows up to work and brings some crap he hacked out of his pea-brain. And since we're puppets, we think it's brilliant!

I know we're stupid because people have told us so. I admit it. They've also said our green/blue screen work is poor. Acknowledged. And the style of the show is off-putting... They've also said the writing is weak and that the freedom to post videos on the internet should stop with us.

Are we backing off? I say "No". How many of you bitches have a show that appeals to our giant demographic of English speaking Latinos ages 18-35, who constantly smoke week and feel bereft of Muppets that represent them? I'll tell you how many: As of today, Zip, Zilch, Zero. I say we at LosTiteres.TV have cornered a niche market. Or maybe we've cornered ourselves into this crazy dream that one day we'll be stars... Who knows? And if you're psychic and you do know, don't tell us.

I will fight with every feather on my body, and then with a few on my cap to keep this lousy show going. You know why? ... Because this is one the most miserable financial seasons ever in America.

And all we've got left, the only joy we still have is freedom of speech, net neutrality and laughter. As long as those are in place and I'm able to webcast my humor aimed sharply at Fidel's nuts into the universe, I will... Kept me caged for ages that bastard did. Only wanted me to repeat after him... Comemierda.

So, not to appear downtrodden, I am very pleased to announce this next webisode where I try to perform stand-up comedy before our live studio audience. You never see them because we get them sauced them up before the show. The online audience is in my head. The studio audiences is real... The guy who whistles regularly is actually a big drunk bear in a pin-striped orange suit, who generally knows how to hold his liquor -- except he likes to do that "two fingers in your mouth" whistle.

Hopefully with a couple of television episodes in Houston this empire can begin to grow into a huge conglomerate like Disney! Maybe we can then move our offices out of this condemned crack house in South Beach.

That would be espectacular! My little dream of starting a show with my Hispanic hipster friends will have become a national American cross-over sensation! Only then they'll replace me with Kermit the Frog.

Maybe producing this show independently is the best way to go? Granted, my current funding source is 50% from a cheap Hollywood actor and the other 50% from the spare change I pluck with my beak from the water fountain in front of JC Penny.

I worry one day they'll bust me. I attract attention.

I'm red with festive plumage and from behind I look like Elmo.

Season's Saludos!
Your Loving Parrot Holiday Guide
Señor Loro
Producing Parrot, LosTiteres.TV

Schmedley Schparky Schow - Schocolate Scandals

2010-11-24T20:04:00.000-08:00

It's Thanksgiving again ~ a time of mourning for all poultry in the United States. Yes, this is the time of year, when our soul-brothers, the turkeys, get the axe. It's a yearly holocaust, and we're so glad that this year the president pardoned two turkeys instead of one. I was hoping I'd be the second.

Thankfully, although related to the turkey, we parrots are a lot more advanced. We don't "gobble, gobble" all day, we know how to cuss you out.

So Schmedley came into my line of vision today at our studios in Hollywood, his eyebrows moving around on his forehead indicating mystery, arrogance and perpetual sarcasm... He wanted to shoot another one of his shows.

Recently, when the webisode show I'm running here went sour, I'm sad to say, I caved in to the corporate monster and allowed Schmedley to come sell his chocolate wares on the show, even though I really wanted to keep everything more like PBS. You know, sponsored by the viewers... We haven't gotten our act together to really stage a telethon on our own behalf, but I'm pretty sure if I called Jerry Lewis, he'd do it.

What else has he got to do?

So, Schmedley let me know that he wanted to do a thing where he "set the record straight" and also the latest corporate logo cartoon dish. You have to see it to understand what he's doing. To tell you the truth, I barely know what I'm doing.

I said yes, because I have a large heart when it comes to corporations funding us. I mean, look, in the United States, a corporation has all the rights of a person. Our next president is going to be sponsored by one! ... That's why I'm formally announcing my run for the 2012 presidency.

My slogan is: "I'm a puppet and I admit it."

All I know is that I like to eat seeds and that I'm trying to run a show that no one watches, but that I know will be important to the landscape of puppets on the internet for Eternity! Or at least until we have a major server crash in the U.S., then I'm going to have to re-upload all this shit and -- look, we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Now, here he is: Schmedley Schparky.

If you go by the YouTube description on the webisode it says:

"Proudly overweight, chocolate company owning, prepubescent Schmedley Schparky's back on his own schow to schquelch rumors about his parents and discuss the latest Hot Schocolate Topics in the lives of his corporate logo peers: The Snuggle Bear and the Geico Gecko."

Please enjoy your Thanksgiving... Latinos have a special Saint that comes to us this time of year and we celebrate him by eating like pigs. His name? Ask any Spanish speaker: San Gibing.

Hugs to Yo Momma,
Señor Loro, Parrot Producer
A Little Thing Called LosTiteres.TV

EL AMOR DE CONCHITA Y RONALDO ~ "The Package" ~ Titerenovela

2010-11-17T17:56:00.000-08:00

As the American soap opera dies off, the telenovela is thriving on Spanish television and now the internet! We are bringing that unbridled joy to the web, mostly! ... In essence, we have created our own genre and coined our own Spanish wor for it; the TITERENOVELA!

One of our most ambitious projects here at LosTiteres.TV has been to create the internet's first telenovela starring puppets. We created a webisode that explored just that which got us much praise and garnered many awards -- in our own minds.

EL AMOR DE CONCHITA Y RONALDO ~ "The Package" ~ In English

I do think that Conchita and Ronaldo are special performers and by "special", I mean, not all there. However, that wacky sensibility of not knowing where you are standing at any given moment adds to their charm.

Are they in love? .... That's a great question since I've never really seen them together. They have some arrangement where they sleep in separate beds and stay away from each other as much as possible. They will tell you in private that it's to keep the marriage "fresh" and "special"... Yeah, same word I used to describe them.

I'm not here to wreck their marriage or to start false rumors. Although if that landed us being talked about on an episode of The View or Wendy Williams, we wouldn't mind. We're so down and out, we wouldn't mind it if Maury got together with Jerry Springer and did an hour long special on how all us puppets at LosTiteres.TV are bastards! ... Even bad publicity is good publicity.

One of the GREAT things we've been looking forward to on our show is the idea of producing the show in English and in Spanish, thereby doubling our audience! I am proud to announce, we have done just that!

Below you will find the second webisode of our outrageously popular telenovela: "El AMOR DE CONCHITA Y RONALDO". In our second somewhat romantic webisode of the mildly anticipated next chapter in the love between Conchita & Ronaldo, we find them both in the midst of high Latin drama... The postman is delivering to Conchita while Ronaldo is lost in a parking lot.

EL AMOR DE CONCHITA Y RONALDO ~ "El Paquete" ~ En Español

Hope you enjoy our plastic madness!

Besitos,
Señor Loro
Titere-Novela Producer

Mary Juana - Yes on Prop 19 in California

2010-11-02T11:59:00.000-07:00

California's Mary Juana hangs in the balance. Activist Mary Juana takes on his/her own political struggle.

In line with many illegal immigrants, she/he argues she/he needs to be legalized and homegrown.

We at LosTiteres.TV are not political, but we do support a plant's First Amendment rights and their right to choose.

We have to take her/him seriously because like many of our politicians, he/she is also a puppet.

So get out there and VOTE your conscience today.

And in case you're in Cali and unconscious, go vote anyway, and stop tokin' the weed you should be out there VOTING to legalize!

Señor Loro
Actively Seeking Sponsorship
(Will take it from the Marijuana Industry.)

Alfonso's ~ IT GETS BETTER

2010-10-25T10:55:00.000-07:00

Here's an "old-timey" nod to a "WB cartoon"-style diddy for all the "grey" kids out there from ALFONSO, an upbeat message of: "It Gets Better"...!

We here at LosTiteres.TV are a mixed crowd of all types of puppets and even though Conchita may snicker, we are all one big happy familia!

Señor Loro

MARY JUANA wit da 420 - "Barak Obama" - Part 1

2010-10-23T12:57:00.000-07:00

Listen you guys, this marijuana plant came into my life in a very strange way, which I tell in the feature film version of my story, so don't think for a minute that I'm going to reveal the origins of this plant come to life anytime soon! At least not without a book deal.

But what I do have to agree with is the fact that there is nothing more to do than love her. Please do not breathe una palabra of this to Conchita, because she would have me spayed and neutered -- but if you actually go to the YouTube ratings -- well, let's just say she gets downloaded more times than Conchita at the restroom of her favorite Miami bar: El Coo-Chie Coo-Chie Bar & Grill.

But here I have brought in an expert actor, Frank Lawson, to guest star, and play some guy named "Henry" I made up, and all of a sudden, she's confusing everything in her haze of crazy. And you may blame me and call me a charlatan, an internet P.T. Barnum of Puppetry, if you will. You might say that my show is funded by whatever scraps and coins I find thrown away from Miami homeless people.

I have cobbled this show together out of -- well, it would gross you out to tell you. Suffice it to say that as a bird, you'll make a nest out of band-aids and poo... It's true... Here I'm putting on your precious computer screen, which you only use to watch important pornographic content, with this utter nonsense.

I really apologize. But maybe if you toke it up before you watch, you'll get something out of it. After the closing credits, there's my parrot version of an "Easter Egg"... or maybe it's just me coming to terms with doom.

Well, my friends I am awkward and sort of proud to present to you, one of our biggest downloaded characters, who has grown up green with only water and fertilizer from my very own dung... Here's the redheaded girl that begs to be legalized... You know 'er. She's the most downloaded.

Señor Loro,
Parrot Producer & Hipmeister

P.S. We are looking for a sponsor. Conchita wants it to be Chiquita Bananas, and I like it, but I wonder if that's too "on the nose".

Mortimer Weasel salutes Bernice Silver for her 97th Birthday

2010-10-18T14:30:00.000-07:00

Hello, Mis Amigos,

This is your favorite awkward, defeated bird writing to you, as I have for years about the latest and the greatest involving LosTiteres.TV!

The best part of my report to you today is that for once we don't have some maniacal, tired drag queen looking, monster with the face of a Mayan etching on the wall of The Chupacabra Temple in Mixoacan talking crap about movie and tv stars that could be helping us out. And by that, I mean Conchita talking all sorts of scandal about Eva Longoria, and calling Lea DeLaria a "fat singer".

I mean, really, Conchita...

But I'm like Barbara Walters, I will call the people on my show out for their ugliness. And Conchita is one of those puppets that I know will offend, and I feel two ways about it. On the one hand, she is certifiably LOCA, but on the other hand, if we don't have her to stir things up, you'd have no one to be mad at. Think of her as my Bill O'Reilly.

Now I was typing up some Twitter notes in my cramped office, when in through the door barged Mortimer Weasel with his microphone, asking me about the recent hating going on in LosTiteres.TV and I found myself having a deer caught in headlights in the middle of Times Square moment.

So, he pitched this idea about how we should do more uplifting pieces that make people happy, and that Bernice Silver -- and at this point he hopped on my desk -- deserved some attention, being the reigning Queen of Potpourri at the Puppeteers of America! And boom, he zinged the mike next to my beak.

Of course I said 'yes'. I mean, we have no programming of worth! You've seen this show! ... The material's crappy at best. I'm just a puppet parrot people!!! I'm trying to keep this entertainment going in spite of the fact that we have no sponsors and that we desperately want to do commercials for Chiquita Bananas! (Conchita has submitted an endless amount of ideas to me about what she would do to sell bananas; and no, I'm not considering any one of them.) But the point is that we puppets are very creative. We'll find any way we can to advertise your product -- even if we end up Farging it Up in the end.

So, I looked at Mortimer Weasel, who watched me space off and think all of this... He seemed entertained, because a thought bubble had appeared over my head and shown my whole process to him. When I came to, I said:

"Mortimer... This is a Latino show, and Bernice Silver is not Latino, we do not have the budget or the luxury to be throwing "Happy Birthdays" around to everyone that turns 100! Look at my plumage! It's falling off!"

"Is it moulting season?" asked Mortimer Weasel.

"Oh -- That's Why... I've been worried I had a problem... But in any case, Bernice Silver, even though she may be royalty, does not deserve to be singled out with an entire webisode, when only the Puppeteers of America know her. We need Wide Appeal!"

Mortimer rolled his eyes at me, and leaned back in the chair crossing his slender legs. He nodded no and then Threw The Microphone at me, and it hit me right on the forehead!

"You're a phony!" he said. "You came here to represent the people, remember! You came from Castro's Cuba to make a show that displayed diversity and the richness of Latin culture, didn't you! That's why every character that appears on your show isn't stereotypically Latino, right?"

"Yes, exactly." And then he jumped on my desk, and from behind him, pulled out the picture of Bernice Silver that's in the webisode now. He shoved it directly in my ping-pong ball line of vision.

"Look at this old lady and tell me you don't LOVE HER and you don't even KNOW her."

He slowly pulled down the picture. I looked down at my list of things to do:

1. Futz Around on the Internet (Check)
2. Turn Down a Project (Check)
3. Do Something that Comes from your Heart

"You're tugging at my heart strings you dirty Nocturnal Weasel!"

And he gleamed a rare weasel smile/grimace at me.

"Aaaaaalright, esta bien," I said. "Make your darn video, but be sure that it's back stage and you do it when I'm not looking and everyone's on break."

"That's 90% of the time..." And I arched my usually immobile brow at Mortimer...

So here is the video. I'm posting it for you to see... But I haven't seen it, and I'm looking the other way. I think it cost us in editing time.

Well, Felicidadez to La Señorita Silver. Hope you have many more cumpleaños to come!

See? In the end, we really are Nice Titeres.

Begrudingly,
Señor Loro
Puppet Parrot Producer
LosTiteres.TV

Conchita's SHOUT OUT to Eva Longoria

2010-10-10T16:41:00.000-07:00

Hello Mis Amigos,

Once again, I, Señor Loro, ambivalently present Conchita spouting off at the mouth.

I have no idea if she means to be friendly with these female stars she's shouting out at, or if she simply means to be mean.

I'm going to take her at her word when she sarcastically says: "Oh you silly pajaro, don't worry. I'm just trying to get us some well deserved attention."

First of all, "pajaro" means "bird" in Spanish, but it's also slang for homosexual, which I happen not to be. So, see? I have to take her at her word that everything she says is meant to be nice. But something tells me that she's always been a little psycho.

What can I say? Unbelievably, she has a huge fan base of people who love for her to offend... Then again, I've been to a Kathy Griffin concert and comparatively speaking, Conchita's a light weight.

Enjoy our crazy DIVA's latest rant, a SHOUT OUT to Eva Longoria.

Be warned, it's neither funny nor longoria (it's only 58 seconds).

Alfonso's Legalize Grey Marriage Ad

2010-09-15T11:53:00.000-07:00

Really, mis amigos, I generally don't like to get too political on the show. But I suppose this issue of marriage is really affecting us all.

Alfonso Ratberg Boca Raton Gonzalez is one of the newest additions to the LosTiteres.TV family. Little did we know that not only was he openly grey, but also a lawyer! Now, with a plea to the American people, Alfonso raises his voice to promote the legalization of grey marriage.

For many years grey people have been held back from having the same rights as everyone else. This new viral infomercial video will reveal the benefits of grey marriage to a lawyer. Namely: Grey Divorce.

THE MORTIMER WEASEL SHOW

2010-04-06T12:12:00.000-07:00

Mortimer the Weasel, deeply voiced, concerned weasel who interviews famous holiday figures. This exciting episode: The Easter Bunny. Won a Peabody Award last year for his explosive documentary on the mating rituals of the New Guinea weasel, during the making of which, he was briefly arrested... Highly upper crust, probing, opinionated; Mortimer uncovers the bunny behind Easter with the finesse and buoyancy of the impetuous and perfectionist star personality he is... Enjoy the first time you meet the incomparable Mister Mortimer the Weasel and his first interviewee ever, The Inimitable... Easter Bunny.

Señor Loro Auditions a New Puppet

2010-02-05T13:52:00.000-08:00

My Dear friends,

I know you guys are trying to be kind when you send new puppets my way. I know you're trying to see variety and exciting new faces on the show -- but sometimes the people you send my way are questionable at best.

This guy came in and said his name is Crystaal Corona, which is strange enough, but then he proceeded to tell me what his talents are, and that's where he lost me.

This is the last time I trust Mario Mariposa to send me talent.

Señor Loro
Exasperated & Confused

"HERE COME THE HOLIDAYS" - The LosTiteres.TV Holiday Song

2009-12-25T20:31:00.001-08:00

"Conchita's Shout Outs" & Schmedley Part 2

2009-11-06T14:10:00.000-08:00

Hello, mis amigos and welcome back to the show! Thanks for waiting for a month.

This month we're going to pack in some great programming.

As far as the production, things are going as planned. We planned that no one would be watching...

We also planned that this show would never be canceled because it's produced with the nickles and dimes that the producer steals from the water fountain in front of Macy's at the mall.

Sure enough, though, we're probably doing something to offend someone in people-land. I should amend that -- not "We", but Conchita, who is always saying something Snarky.

Don't mind her, she's like our Perez Hilton, except skankier and with more felt.

I know you avid viewers, non-existent as you may be -- you all must be anxious to see the latest Schmedley webisode.

Here it is: the second part of the Schmedley Schparky Schow where he finally let's that silly dog have his say...

As Fidel Castro's former pet parrot, I worry about Schmedley's dictatorial leanings -- but I'm going with it for now, because, he's young and has time to change his ways, but more importantly because his chocolate company is a Cash Cow.

Saludos to Sesame Street on its 40th birthday!

I, myself, am very interested in one day getting an opportunity to interview Big Bird.

I want the exclusive on what disquieting magic caused him to stay 6 years old forever -- always acting like he just learned the alphabet yesterday.

I mean, he's 40, he should have a job... I'm only 38, and I produce this freaky show.

These child stars always come out of the shell a little cracked, enh?

Happy Martinis!
Señor Loro
LosTiteres.TV Studios
(Blogging from the Port-o-Potty
behind the gay club "TWIST",
South Beach, Florida)

The Schmedley Schparky Schow!

2009-10-01T23:55:00.000-07:00

Hello my quieridos amigos!

We have come back for a second season of excitement, and laughter on LosTiteres.TV.

Since the downturn in the economy, the show's been in the toilet.

That's why you've waited so long for a webisode? Our producer, Felix Pire, who produces this crap out of pocket, because he says, "he believes in the show" has been out of work.

It's a cheap show to produce. I sold it to him one brisk Miami evening over drinks. I said, "With just nickels and dimes, we give you entertainment that's at least worth about three pesos in Mexico." And he was sold. It's true.

More to the point, puppet productions are cheap, that's how come one sole producer can fund us. Plus, Conchita is getting cheaper. She tried to get into Telemundo, they told her she "wasn't Latina enough".

Look, it's economic savvy on your part as a viewer to watch our mess, because you're getting more wasting of time entertainment, with something that costs less. Let's just put it this way, we've been able to amuse you with the internet budget equivalent of close ups of hand shadows on toilet paper.

So we're very excited to present a new segment to the show, with a new sponsor!

Please enjoy, as I, Señor Loro and LosTiteres.TV proudly present:

Are you surprised that we auspiciously return on the first day of October, one year exactly since 2008?

Are you mesmerized by my ping pong ball eyes, and want more?

Not to worry, LosTiteres.TV will be coming out bi-weekly. Why? Because we like to say "bi". It's naughty.

In a coupla weeks, brace yourself: Conchita returns with a new species of her Conchita Chow -- this time, she's giving ironic shout-outs to people.

Also, we've got more Mary Juana, a new guy we just hired -- yellow guy from another one of those weird puppet nebulas, and more El Amor De Conchita Y Ronaldo, your favorite telenovela.

We hope you like this new season. Ever since Schmedley started to pitch in coin from his schocolate company, the webisodes have gotten better, but we worry he'll want to put ads for his schocolates everywhere.

These are the preoccupations of a web producing parrot, my dear, sexy audience!

Stay Tuned for more:

LosTiteres.TV!

Signed,
Señor Loro
Parrot Producer & Host

Hola Again, Happy Halloween, and Adios to Hispanic Heratige Month!

2008-10-31T20:27:00.000-07:00

You scared yet this Halloween? Get ready 'cause: we're back!

Naw, really, though -- we're back.

None of those small pitch reels, or silly PSAs.

The stuff you've been demanding: More websiodes of EL AMOR DE CONCHITA Y RONALDO, more NAKED BOB, and more MARIJUANA.

And for those of you who know the show, you are all very addicted.

Stop sending me Harry Potter owls with little envelopes that yell at me when I open them!

Real webisodes are forthcoming. Like the old stuff you used to like with Conchita and Ronaldo insulting the dignity off each other, and some other new junk.

Of course, in this opening sequence, we feature Schmeldey Schparky, a new addition to the show! He's so wealthy from his chocolate empire, he could get us out of our economic crunch right now if he felt like it. But he's twelve, has one of those pre-teenager "asshol-itudes".

Luckily, in exchange for infomercial airtime, has sponsored most of our other webisodes. And, of course, we've sold out to him... He doesn't read, thank God, or I would never write this.

He owns Schmedley Schparky Schocolates, and along with his dog Scrappy, he serves up his own brand of fatty, chocolatey (slightly nutty) goodness. You just can't WAIT for his show, I assure you.

Be on the lookout for his new webisodes with his dog Scrappy!

Watching shows on television (which is where we know ours will end up, I'm sure), we noticed that there were a lot of shows with an opening theme songs -- and puppets LOVE theme songs.

Now, we've had one for a while, but this time we decided to produce the entire musical number with everyone involved! It was madness in the studio. Those two Gay Maracas act like crazy monkeys, and Conchita is impossible when she's had a few drinks, and the mouthwash in hers and everyone else's dressing room.

In this very musical sequence, she's drunk out of her mind. Schmedley had to hold her by the arm to keep her on screen. Right after that shot, she threw up all over the camera man. Too bad we didn't get a shot of that.

So expect another season of puppet melodrama, outrageous language and openly gay mayhem! No, wait, you can see that in this very opening number!

Most of you are petrified right now, knowing that the ridiculous show with the cussing puppets and the outrageous backstage dish is back, and it is, mis amigos, it is!

Nothing has terrified us more than leaving our fans in the dust -- and then kicking them in the privates repeatedly with each passing month of no LosTiteres.TV.

And that is why we're back with more, to stop the crotch-kicking. We're back with: BIGGER, BETTER, felt-ier EXTRAVAGANZAS of puppets and dazzling 1960's we-can-still-see-a-halo-of-green-or-blue chromakey!

Please remember to read the credits at the end, so you can see what a wide variety of wonderful artists contributed to the building and performing of the show!

We have also mailed a SPECIAL THANKS, a MOJITO and a FREE (at your own risk) *BLOW JOB CERTIFICATE* from Conchita to our friends at:

Swazzle.com & ProjectPuppet.com for their continued support!

Pretty soon we will grant them honorary Latino-hood.

BOO...with Love,
Señor Loro
Parrot Host, LosTiteres.TV

*(BLOW JOB CERTFICATE - certain restrictions may apply.)

LosTiteres.TV SIZZLE REEL!

2008-05-25T13:54:00.001-07:00

Third world puppets with a fourth grade education doing sixth grade comedy. The outrageous Señor Loro, Fidel Castro's ex-parrot, brings you an adult variety show on the web! Meet the wacky characters of LosTiteres.TV, and then go and explore their full webisodes on the site. And be careful -- marijuana plants talk.

Señor Loro

Me Not Math - PSA

2008-05-21T11:30:00.000-07:00

Look, if you like math, that's fine, I guess. But I don't think that you should do math all the time. Math should be something you only do recreationally -- or it could turn into a problem.

Stay Safe -- stay away from Algebra. Any math system where you add and subtract letters of the alphabet scares the red feathers off of me... Even though Algebra sounds like a word in Spanish -- it's not as much fun as it sounds.

Señor Loro

Mario Mariposa: In-Depth Gay Maracas Interview

2008-01-31T18:51:00.000-08:00

Mis amigos and my friends, there is journalism, and then there is the deeply penetrating analysis, brought to you by an insect that used to be a lowly make-up artist at the studios, but who is now one of our top reporters. Mario Mariposa is created a deeply respected name for himself.

Many of you have written in talking smack about us not being liberal enough about our outlook, that we HATE Fidel Castro, because he still has many years ahead of him in politics. To that, I say PAPI-COCK. Notice the spelling. I'm naughty. But I really meant, "Poppycock"... I'm so Americanized... So we decided to be socially liberal instead:

Two gay maracas are the ultimate in open mindedness, and notice how LosTiteres.TV delicately traces the edges of taste and forbidden love with this in-depth interview of two illegal musical instruments.

It's too forbidden -- you have to see it for yourself!

PAPI COCK!
Señor Loro
Independent Candidate
in this Year's Puppet Elections

Señor Loro Holiday Special (Part 5)

2008-01-01T19:11:00.000-08:00

From all of us at LosTiteres.TV...

We wish you a HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Saludos from South Beach!
Señor Loro ... and Enrique

Señor Loro Holiday Special (Part 4)

2007-12-30T10:57:00.000-08:00

There's nothing like an irate parrot and a nutty pianist during the holiday season -- and that is what we get when we mix my temper with Enrique's sarcastic wit. We might make up, as this is the holiday season, but we won't find out until Part 5!

Señor Loro Holiday Special (Part 3)

2007-12-27T09:29:00.000-08:00

There's something heartwarming about nesting in a Christmas tree. The familiar notes of Christmas tunes can warm us up... But in this interview I'm all all about immigrant issues. Revealing my past with Fidel Castro, I tell all about my defection to the United States -- and the fact that my plumes go great with the nuanced art deco of South Beach is only a plus.

Señor Loro's Holiday Special (Part 2)

2007-12-25T07:27:00.001-08:00

You won't believe to what extremes this red bird will go to in order to get Hollywood to pay attention! Yes, I'm back and I'm self-congratulating light years ahead of Hollywood Awards season!

Señor Loro's Holiday Special (Part 1)

2007-12-24T13:25:00.000-08:00

Dear Holiday Hooligans...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Once again it is, I, the wacky bird with a fowl mouth and outraged temper. I'm here to calm my tail feathers down for once, and deliver a show that everyone will love. You remember specials like this one here from the times when you used to watch on TV growing up.

Remember when we'd get those classic moments of a famous host on TV, back "in the day", he (Kermit) or she (Carol Burnett) would sit by the fireplace with a guest star hugging a piano and play Christmas songs and trade rememberances about the past year? Well that is what this show is about ... And it all goes so fast, I tell you.

This year I'm in an elated mood, thanks to the success of this outrageous webisode series I created. I feel fluffed up enough, and centered on the stick in my birdcage enough to wish everyone a Merry Christmas -- and also to share a little of the holiday fun we've been having here at LosTiteres.TV!

For the past month, although not posting shows, we've been hard at work, with our beaks to the grindstone, cranking them out. You can expect a bunch of new sketches and segments with new and exciting characters, all scheduled to appear next year... which is only in a few days!

A taste of that savory goodness is here, with the gossipy celebrity goings on in Hollywood (and elsewhere) soon to be reported by our own social butterfly, Mario Mariposa. Mario is a terrific judge of celebrity character.

How's that, you ask? Simple: butterflies taste with their legs. And Mario has a penchant for landing on celebrity noses, and then running over to tells us what he's tasted. Many times it's not newsworthy, but sometimes it is. Yes, Britney tastes like train wreck, and Obama tastes like Oprah. But would you have guessed that Tom Cruise tastes like straight guy? Aston Kutcher like old lady, and Angelina Jolie like Nimibia? ... Maybe you would...

In this, his first webisode, Mario teams up with Conchita, and tries to land on her nose. Surprisingly, there's a big problem with that -- but I'll let you watch!... Next up Mario interviews a couple of Gay Maracas that frequently play with our band. Yes, much of the music you hear on LosTiteres.TV has their percussive stylings behind it...

Now be on the lookout, because my holiday special will be posed in this blog every day consecutively, every day for the next 5 days! Lots of activity around this crazy studio!

I hope you enjoy the music and the loving banter between myself, and someone who has become a mainstay and star of LosTiteres.TV, the multi-talented Enrique Teves.

Love and Happy Holiday Wishes,
Santa Loro
Host and Charlatan, LosTiteres.TV

The Conchita Show: It's All An Act!

2007-10-29T20:17:00.000-07:00

Dear Amigos and confused internet readers who stumbled upon this laughable mess by mistake! It is I, once more, your favorite Loro -- here to introduce to you our next exciting webisode of LosTiteres.TV!

Conchita is a multitalented performer, as I'm sure you've seen. So far, she has appeared in her own woman's issues series, THE CONCHITA SHOW, as well as the saucy internet telenovela, EL AMOR DE CONCHITA Y RONALDO, and most recently a guest starring role making out with Eli on NAKED BOB... Conchita gets around.

Last week, Conchita barged into my office followed by a private band of about four musicians. She force-sang several songs to me before I could get a word in edge-wise. She tap-danced on my desk, she did triple pirrouettes on the carpet, and finally landed in a perfect cheerleader-like split in front of her startled musicians!... And then she let out a little fart, but I barely heard it.

Ultimately, she showed me that she's got the chops to be a singer, and the legs to do a split. So I asked her right then and there if she'd like to do a musical number on her CONCHITA SHOW?

She tilted her head and smiled at me, delighted that her plan had worked. Then she complimented me on how welll arranged my feathers look today, and I was delighted, and totally bought the ass-kissing.

Then, having gotten up, I mentioned I knew model/actor Vincent De Paul from the movies HAIRSPRAY and DREAMGIRLS, who might be interested in showing off his crooning on her show! Agog, Conchita's eyes flipped back in her head and she collapsed with a THUD!

So, it is a particular pleasure to present to you an episode that Conchita and I actually didn't fight about, but which, in fact, made her faint with delight!

In it, she sings a wonderful new song, entitled: "It's All An Act" ... We were hoping to get Stephen Sondheim to write the melody, but he flat out told us to MERRILY ROLL ALONG...

Vincent did want to perform in the show, and asked to work with Conchita by name, because he somehow finds her foamy skin attractive. After the shoot, Vincent confessed that he felt awkward about being referred to by Conchita as a "Doll Man" in the song, but that he'd suffer for his art.

To which I asked, "What art?"

Poor Vincent is under the false impression that there is some kind of artwork going on at LosTiteres.TV, when this is all just time-wasting schlock.

I fully acknowledge that this show is dreadfully insane -- and it is a slight use of the word to even call this show "entertainment". Okay, it's "webertainment", which I've just coined, and means it's useless and meaningless, but please watch it!

Gracias for clicking, and I hope you enjoy the song, the bitches and the Spanish fly. (*Watch and you'll see what I mean.)

Bueno, my friends, until next time, this is your favorite Cuban parrot saying:

"If Musica be the food of Amor, TOCA!!!"

Besitos en el Piquito
(Kisses on the Beak),
Mister Loro
Upscale Poultry, Musical Producer,
Host of LosTiteres.TV

Naked Bob, Fortuneteller

2007-08-21T14:58:00.000-07:00

I met Naked Bob on a recent trip to the Bahamas where I saw him trying to sell coconuts to the natives. I just sat up in the palm tree and observed, laughing and shaking off my moulting feathers. Once those old ladies slapped him around and left, and he shook the sand from his eyes, I flew down to see if he was alright... And he was. Totally alright and average: You know, regular white guy trying to be a hippy in the 2000's, that sort of thing... Good luck.

He told me that he "knew my future", and "thanks for the concern". Immediately enthralled, I asked of him what was in store for this humble red parrot trying to create his own variety show on the web -- and he said he knew!

He knows, in fact, right now. But he won't say, otherwise it will mess up the space-time continuum -- but he assures me it's good! What he did reveal was that if I found him a nickel or a quarter, I would have better luck still!

I did him one better, I gave him his own show on my website! He was very excited about that. When he asked me how much it pays, I said, "About as much as you can fit into your pockets..."

Naked Bob laughed out loud so much that he coughed up a loogie. It was then that we truly bonded, when I flew up to his shoulder and sat there as he smoked himself a doobie on the beach, his balls hangin' out in plain view. I'm surprised they're never attacked by pelicans.

These days, my cameras follow him around as he meanders around the beaches, dispensing his visions of the future to wanderers by and seagulls who get visually caught up in the styling he's given his pubes.

I love Naked Bob. Because for all his nakedness, he's extremely vulnerable. So if you see him on the beach, be kind to him, maybe give him a dollar because you're human, and you can... BAAAAAKKKKK! ...

He once prophesied that LosTiteres.TV would become a show on network television! Now, that his segment has been added to the show, I believe he may be right... I can see that too -- so am I also psychic? .... Sí! ... Cubans are all psychic!

Naked Bob is a dude, who although calm and cool on the surface, is highly insecure. He's one of those lovable misfits that wanders beaches telling people their fortunes and showing his schlong. Witness the latest offering from LosTiteres.TV, and get your future read by a man who knows the naked truth. Guest Stars: Susan Artigas & Eli Eagle.

So, take a toke, get your cerveza or your Mojito ready, and strike up the bong -- lean back and enjoy the pubic stylings of:

Naked Bob.

Best to Y'Mama,
Señor Loro
Host/Traveling Parrot
LosTiteres.TV

Acting from an Hispanic P.O.V. with Ronaldo & Eli

2007-08-04T16:34:00.000-07:00

Outrageous Oglers and Peeping Toms who watch this small comedic travesty that we call a webisode series -- once again you'll wonder today, how it's all done. I wonder myself, even though I produce this thing! The show's special guest today is Eli Eagle, who came to us as a young, eager, doe-eyed, virgin actor from Hollywood, and left us a "man".

South Beach -- the sex, the glamour -- will do that to ya.

Anyone who faces Ronaldo, gets "South Beach man" points... I don't know how they do it, Ronaldo can destroy people as much as he can lift them up! And they line up for BLOCKS to be on his show to seek out his lame advice!

I will not judge the advice he gives actors, but let's just say a certain parrot who has acting aspirations would be first caught dead, than do what this guy says... much less, let him grab my tail feathers, or get me drunk.

I'm moulting, so I'm particularly curmudgeonly today. BAAAAK!...

I'm excited though, because Eli did several sketches on the show, and joined a new actress in a new webisode series centered around a fella I met walking around South Beach. People call him: NAKED BOB! ...

He just stands around dispensing astrological advice to the beach, to people who pass by, and oftentimes to the palm trees. I have to admit that Susan, our other *Guest Star*, looked positively lovely in her bikini!

Eli not only looked chipper and recently hatched, he was a great interview guest. Although... he said a little more than he should have about his relationship offscreen with Susan!

And then, of course, Susan, who overheard, taped an interview segment with me, and that's when the drama starts flying! She had heard everything Eli said -- and what's worse -- everything I said!

I don't know what's going on with these Latina women! --First Conchita is batting frying pans at me, and now this one literally beats me up, smacks me! Just because I insinuated on the air that she was my "ho"...

How Eli ALSO got action from Conchita is beyond me. Probably the drinks he got her, after he learned Mojitos are her weakness from Ronaldo!

I mean, really.... It's a show! I have to drum up the Drama!

Eli's really helping out with his crazy comments and his sexual prowess! ... And I'm a male bird too, you know, and I believe I'm what is called in Miami a "Pimp-Player" (pronounced: Playyyyaaaahhh)... I have appearances to upkeep, yo.

From now on, Dear Reader, I will call you: Yo.

Until we actually start paying people to humiliate themselves on LosTiteres.TV, I have to admit that I've been baffled by how many young actors want to appear on the show! Some of them actually have careers! Most are completely Loony Tunes:

Behind closed doors, Susan pulled a GUN on me! Not only did she want to be in the show, she wants union wages! I told her to go f*ck herself, and she shot me in the wing! ... I hope she doesn't read this.

Diós Mio -- I may not be able to fly ever again.

But typing's fine.

Good luck watching this next batch! More Eli and Susan coming soon! Remember to subscribe to this blog, and you won't miss a moment, yo!

BAAAAAAK!

Saludos to all the South Beach Birds!
Señor Loro
Host & Producer (*Pimp)
LosTiteres.TV

EL AMOR DE CONCHITA Y RONALDO... A New Puppet Telenovela!

2007-06-17T02:19:00.000-07:00

Do you eat bird seeds while you savor hour after hour of your favorite soap opera? Because if you're into General Hospital, or Guiding Light, or if you've ever wondered about the Days of Our Lives -- have we got a sexy treat for you!

LosTiteres.TV is getting underway with a much anticipated TELENOVELA of seismic proportions! Not until now has there been a puppet soap opera on the internet, much less one that smells like Tacos and Salsa!

Yes, my friends, Conchita and Ronaldo have put aside their differences to tolerate each other's breathing long enough to shoot the first webisode of this scandalous new soap opera. Yes, you'll see more crying here than a week with Paris Hilton at L.A. County Jail, more screaming than rehab with Linsay Lohan, and enough self righteousness to last you until the next episode of TYRA.

Telenovelas have never seen a love this plastic! Puppet stars Conchita and Ronaldo, two Latinos from LosTiteres.TV, debut this exciting telenovela webisode.

Gasping, clawing and mugging for a Daytime Emmy or a Webby, these "Pactors" (*puppet actors) employ fearless acting, spontaneous eruptions, and a Latina puppet on the verge of a foam breakdown!

Not since Lily Tomlin in I HEART HUCKABEES on YouTube have you seen such madness! Let the salsa music swell, their marriage crumble and the tears flow freely!

Saludos!
Feathers to My Fans --
El Señor Loro
The Decider

Acting From An Hispanic P.O.V with RONALDO!

2007-05-24T12:19:00.000-07:00

Saludos Everyone, and thanks for reading the blog today!

If you've ever wanted an acting lesson, but don't know who the best coaches are, look no further. Teaching from an His-Panic point of view, our actor and acting coach, RONALDO (CONCHITA's husband), debuts his brand new show on our blog!

He may be eccentric and a little Cuban-crazy, but boy will be get a rise out of you and if you're not ready, scare you the hell out of show business!

BAAAAK! Sorry, I'm moulting and I tend to squawk more.

Happy Acting!
El Señor Loro
Cuban Parrot Extrordinaire

Latino Puppets Talkin' Smack

2007-05-18T19:13:00.000-07:00

Hola Amigos,

I have been spending more time in the LosTiteres.TV studios than Paris Hilton will ever spend in jail.

I feel revitalized as a Latino and as a parrot, who is a recent arrival from Cuba, and now is living the American dream. Success has made me a little bi... Coastal.

Bi-coastal. Bilingual. And I'm a Buy-sexual. You buy me somethin', I'm sexual.

I'm always having to fly back and forth to Hollywood, and New York. Becoming a major celebrity is a real arm workout you, know? Yeah, I'm gonna go there: My wings are tired from all that flying. Baaaaaahcckkkhgkh!

Sometimes I do that... Anyway, please enjoy the new episodes up on our MySpace pagina -- that's "page" in Spanish, for those of you who know how to salsa...

There's a secret stash of stuff that I haven't put up on YouTube or MySpace.

You can find our new secret stuff by clickety-clicking around our LosTiteres.TV site, or going to Revver.com.

Enjoy our productions, I find them tiresome.

Hasta Luego, con una lata de Prego!
Señor Loro
Host/Producer, LosTiteres.TV
www.lostiteres.tv

MARY JUANA WIT DA 420

2007-05-17T21:53:00.000-07:00

With Conchita back on board, making Mother's Day madness on LosTiteres.TV -- every one of the puppets that wanted to act with us decided to go full throttle. And that includes Mary Juana. Although she had a bumpy ride this time, I think she'll get more used to the production crew. I told her to memorize her lines, but she can barely walk and talk. Here she is in her very important debut performance (which was never entered in that competition she told me she sould be on time for): Mary Juana.

Think of her as the embodiment of the cannabis plant. That's how she came to meet me. I was talking to some friends while perched on a palm tree, and someone was planting her down below. I've seen her grown up into full on foliage. I'm fascinated as to what kind of show she'll turn up. I call her a "she", but she's also a "he"... Being a plant, she's a bit of a hermaphrodite, so don't try to figure her out:

420 is cop code for weed bust. Let's hope she's always free to grow, and never gets deported. Why, one day, she might even be legalized!

CONCHITA'S MOTHER'S DAY CONFESSION

2007-05-14T12:57:00.000-07:00

There are things you didn't know about this celebrity, that she will now confess:

WEBISODES and NEW ACTORS ON THE WAY!

2007-03-31T21:33:00.000-07:00

Well, with Conchita walking out on me, I had a terrible time getting everyone together to shoot more of everyone's favorite webisode series, LosTiteres.TV!

But lo and behold, our executive producer conjured up puppeteer, Andrew Moore, who has his own series on the web called DISEMBODIED ANIMAL HEAD THEATRE... I'm a little worried about the content, so I'm scared to watch it myself, but he's very good I hear.

Plus, we finally got a real, honest to goodness cinematographer (Ivan Corona -- his last name means CROWN in Spanish!) It also means imported beer... I have been crying about this since the beginning of this operation: to get a cinematographer and now, FINALLY. Maybe soon I'll get A/C in my office. I mean, who wants to do this silly show, if my beak is badly lit in profile? Nobody.

But actors did do live tapings of the show! The sexy Susan Artigas made an appearance, and was the first guest to officially smack me across the beak!... Did I look too much at her set of TETAS?

I think we'll have her back. Make sure to look for her doing a sketch with Naked Bob -- who got a horrible sunburn, and now his balls look like cherries.

Eli Eagle came by and did some great massage work with Conchita, had his acting skill challenged on one of Ronaldo's brilliant shows and I, Señor Loro, interviewed him. Man, what a set of abs! South Beach flesh is on display in upcoming LosTiteres.TV webisodes, my little chickidees.

Keep looking out for our webisodes! Checking regularly! We'll be here! BAAAAK!

Love and Mambo,
Señor Loro
Producer, Head Bird
LosTiteres.TV

CONCHITA BITCH SLAPPED ME!

2007-02-19T13:31:00.000-08:00

Tu sabes -- you know -- usually I would arrive at my blog or start the show with plenty of cheer and excitement, something like; WELCOME TO LOS TITERES! Pero this time, I'm sad to say things are going bananas over here! Well, as many of you know, I interview the guests that are on the different webisode segments. As a matter of fact, here is a picture/link to the first part of the interview, which started me on the spiral towards trouble! Click on the picture below, and then watch Part 2 on the LosTiteres.TV site! You'll see:

It turns out that when I asked Enrique, Conchita's life coach about her, the information that he revealed about her struggling marriage -- well, it pissed her off. So, she CAME AT ME, my friends, with claws so large I could see them through those yellow satin gloves she has on all the time. There's no pissed off woman, like a crazy Latina bitch! She SLAPPED me, and yelled at me in Spanish spoken so fast, that I was hard-pressed to understand it. And it's my first language.

Oh, but that's not all -- apparently Mary Juana is gearing up to post the first episode of her new show where she talks all about being a cannabis plant. It's called "Mary Juana wit' da 420", because she wants to sounds urban, we all know she's really a Jew, raised and home grown by some Guatemalan in the Everglades. Whatever. Apparently, 420 is "cop code" for cannabis. Pot. Weed. Maui-Wowie. Reefer. You get the picture.

So she came to me ALL RILED UP, talking about the fact that she wants to enter her webisode in a contest on this one place on the web called Revver.com! They’re having some “green contest” next month. You enter a webisode about something “green”. She feels she’s a shoo-in, I don’t know why…

I do know that she must have been on some speed or cocaine or something because she was totally acting normal. Usually, her eyes are bloodshot, and she's kind of down. But today she was perky as a nipple on the chest of a male adolescent Cuban getting told he gets a night alone to do what he will with half-Cuban Cameron Diaz. Perky.

So I said, "Mi amorrrrr, don't you worry about that. We are posting our webisodes on Revver.com anyway! So go off and create that thing you call a show, and bring it back to me, okay? ... Um, can I -- can I eat a chunk of your hair? I'm really stressed out right now. Yeah, no not the green part, the little red hairs? Great. Yeah."

An hour later I was really relaxed. So I took to wandering around, following these strange colored balls I was seeing in front of me, and happened upon the NEWS & WEATHER GUYS, you know, Ponch and Jimmy. And I took my camera, and kind of shot some stuff they were talking about. Something weird is going on with those two. It's like they're gay, but they both have wives. About the only thing they don't do is have sex together!

So, after this, I went and wrote an apology letter to Conchita: "My dearest, quieridisima, Conchita... I'm sorry I had you arrested when you slapped me. I promise I will drop all charges on the condition that you return to the show. We miss you very much! I hope you do not get molested while you're there or become anyone's bitch... Well, knowing you, you probably have a harem of your own bitches by now. Mucho Amor, Señor Loro."

I think she'll be back...

Well, I do feel better, mis amigos... Wanna feel better about your own pathetic lives? ... Well you don't live in South Beach like me, do you? Then get a taste of fabulousness by clicking around our site, and check out my brand new interviews. They got me in trouble, but it was well worth it.

BAAAAAAAKKK!

Sorry, I'm a bird, I do that sometimes.

Señor Loro
Producer/Host
LosTiteres.tv

Saludos from Señor Loro!

2007-01-01T20:29:00.000-08:00

Hola and Saludos mis amigos! And welcome to
the first webisode of our very exciting new Spanglish
series on LosTiteres.TV!

So glad you could come along with us on a comedy journey that's going to span the globe and tickle your Universe. My name is Senor Loro, and I'll be your Latin parrot host, okay?! I promise not to squawk or ask you for a cracker! There will be none of those stereotypes on THIS show!

I hatched originally in the lovely island of Cuba, but I emigrated here last year when the revolution tried not to make me repeat promises they made us a few
years ago. What was it? Oh yes, Fidel promised: breakfast lunch and dinner.

I usually sit on his shoulder, but like the island he
hijacked Cuba -- he's gotten too old to hold me up.

We used to -- and I don't think he'll mind if I tell
this -- we used to play pirate ship together. Am i
getting teary eyed? Lloroso? Veklempt? When he was in
his early 60's. He made me call him Blackbeard, and he
was just nutty -- that one.

So I said, you know, Fidel -- I gotta fly to the
states, I got a deal for a new program from an
undisclosed location in Miami, Florida! And he was
like, "No, who will play pirate with me?" And I was
like, "See ya sucka." And I flew away.

Later, in Miami, I landed on the shoulder of this
old vaudeville producer interested in variety shows.
I gave him my pitch for this show.
And he was like, "Have you hosted a show before?"
I said, "No, but I personally -- how do you say,
'dissed' Fidel Castro."

Impressed, and a rabid anti-Castro Republican himself,
he help me produce this show, although he wishes not
to be named. But you might say that his name might be
Bernie Frillstein, our generous donor and moneybags.

The funds come from an undisclosed location in Colombia,
but he threatened me with removal of my plumage if
I talk too much. Which unfortunately is my habit.

Ooops.

I've said too much. Squuuaaaawwwwkkkk!!! --

When I get nervous, those squawks come up like
the hiccups.

Por favor, my friends, forgive me.

Now, I know many of you will be interested in learning
what programations we will be offering?!

Well, stir up a Mojito, sit back and relax.

We're going to have spicy interviews with stars and
exciting new webcasts! Shows like: NAKED BOB'S ASTROLOGY
-- all the way from Venice Beach, California!

Also, confessions of an illicit hallucinogenic drug.
Our very own MARY JUANA W/DA 420.

No, but wait, there's more! You'll get the NEWS &
WEATHER WITH PONCH & JIMMY, and special reports from
MARIO MARIPOSA TASTES CELEBRITY NOSES, and the sinister,
yet goofy SCHMEDLEY SCHPARKY SHOW.

It's a Latin American extravaganza cornucopia
extrordinaire here! It's crazy, you know why? Because
it's FREE! How much do you pay? NADA! And unlike when
I was sitting on Castro's shoulder, I'm allowed to say
anything I want! And I want to say:

We'll bring you more hip-shaking and ass-grabbing than
you've seen with puppets in a long time, baby!

I'm telling you, this is going to be
Super-Sensasssssional!

Okay?... QUE?! You want MAS!

Well, sit your baby-got back rump, relax your clicking
finger!

We begin by telling you that "TITERES" in Spanish
means PUPPETS, so everything you'll see here is THE
BEST in new, up and coming LATINO PUPPET TALENT.

And some of you have found out about our first, debut
webisode launching, and have already written in
asking us to post the first episode EVER of this NEW
and EXCITING, SEXY TELENOVELA that is all the talk
around SOUTH BEACH -- Especially in palm trees I perch
on: EL AMOR DE CONCHITA Y RONALDO.

These two have so much talent that they also have their
own shows! Conchita has a talk show, and Ronaldo teaches
acting from an Hispanic Point of View. If you're an
aspiring telenovela actor, you just can't miss his tips!

It's hot, it's lusty, it's wild sexual abandonment
in Spanish!

Don't flip your tamales, keep balancing your Carmen
Miranda fruits in a basket above your head, and enjoy
the first episode of LOS TITERES.TV!

Saludos!
El Señor Loro
Host Extrordinaire